Prepare for your Sony Experience with Sarcastic Gamer

Sarcasticgamer.com wrote a hilarious satire of what it's like to be a PS3 owner.

From the article: "As a tri-console owner, meaning that I own an Xbox 360, PS3, and a Wii, I feel like I'm getting the best of every world. For those that haven't picked up a "next-gen" console or "current-gen" for all of you "gen" snobs, you may want to know what the heck you're getting yourself into.

So, here I am to save the day. Click the jump to learn everything you'll ever need to know about being a Sony PS3 owner. Check back tomorrow so I can prepare you for your Nintendo Experience.

Enjoy!"

[GamerSigma]

This is what I love about Sarcastic gamer.

[Andronix]

The article is tongue-in-cheek - so no need to take it too seriously.
But one line that sticks out is "finding someone online that has a mic is like discovering a unicorn." I have to agree this is funny because it often true. I bought my PS3 on the UK launch day, and bought a bluetooth headset in advance to play online. What I dont understand is how people can go to the trouble of buying an expensive HDTV, a PS3 which isnt cheap yet, and not bother paying out peanuts for the sake of a cheap headset? Why not?! You cant talk tactics or anything. Maybe Sony should include a cheap bluetooth/ or USB wired headset in the box of every PS3. That will solve the problem.

[Overr8ed]

i agree with the Mic problem... finding someone with it is scarce compared to Live.

[zo6_lover27]

I can find people with mics real easy.

[TheColbertinator]

Mmmm mmm mmm That picture always makes me angry.My PS3 can play movies,walk my dog,grill my steak,mow my lawn and I heard it can also play games.

[Bangladesh]

Steven Colbert would in no way shape or form be a Sony fan.

[Sonics020]

How did this get approved. Is this news?

[Mr Fancy Pants]

the same way this one got approve too...

Prepare for your Microsoft Experience with Sarcastic Gamer
http://www.n4g.com/NewsCom-...

[MUNKYPOO]

lono is a total fanboy. on his article on xbox, he only talked about the reliability issue and then talked about some positive stuff. but here he slams the ps3 and doesnt mention anything good. i guess this is what happens when you have fanboys write articles

[JSA-Gamer]

I don't know if he is a fanboy, but i think the article is meant to be more satirical than factual... I guess what SG was saying is right... there are a lot of ps fanboys on these boards. :(

[kindi_boy]

WHAT?!

he is saying the xbox will break and break then break again then when you get it working microsoft will announce the successor lol.

[juuken]

...Lol?

[Patrick]

At first I thought this was maybe just an attempt at being funny but then I read it and read it and read it again and realized it wasnt even close to funny and actually attempts to sound factual but isnt.. so I decided to tell a true experience. If this was meant to be funny the writer seriously needs to find another line of work or a new hobby cause funny it isnt unless your a Sony hater. And I guess thats why I sound a bit defensive cause I am tired of people not giving credit where credit is due. The PS3 is an awesome piece of machinery with a hell of alot packed into it. Here goes.

So you’re a HD freak with your fancy, schmancy 1080p and surround sound, theater-quality set up that might have put you in debt for the next five years but if your smarter than a 5th grader and know how to handle money even a little bit it probably didnt. Now, you’re looking for a HD movie player and also love video games and want to buy the best. Well then friend, Sony has something for you. The PS3 is one beefy little black box that should satiate your HD desires. Here’s what you can expect as a new Sony owner.

The console is hefty, solid and quiet as a whisper. Sures its a bit more expensive but hey, you get what you pay for so I hope you have room for this sexy sleek machine cause its gonna look sweet as hell in your entertainment center. Its also so reliable that actually finding one with a defect is like finding a unicorn.

You could throw away your sixaxis controller but I wouldnt, it will make a great extra controller for friends or just keep it hooked up in case your rumble controller battery goes dead.

Blu-ray movies are around 10-15 bucks more than a regular dvd but thats expected since the format is so new and the price will drop in the future. So get ready to pay about 25 to 30 bucks on that awesome copy of The Mummy on Blu-Ray that you just HAD to have. The PS3 is the BEST Blu-ray player on the market and the extra expense for Blu-ray is definately worth it.

Get ready to use, or not use, its your choice, a bunch of functions that are awesome to have, and work great… Remote play with your PSP, the ability to download music, movies and photos to your PS3 harddrive or any of multiple memory cards if you werent to cheap to spring an extra hundred and get the PS3 with the memory card reader included.

PSN has been recently updated and continue's to be so it just gets better and better.
Are you looking for Online play thats both money free and lag free? Get ready for a serene and spiritual online multiplayer experience where most gamers dont talk crap and alot of them do actually have headsets except for the ones that are to cheap to go out and buy one or havent figured out yet that you can use any bluetooth cell phone headset with it! Hell yeah! This is only a little bit of what you paid for and its only gonna get better. Watch out for HOME, Little Big Planet and oh so much more.

[JSA-Gamer]

this is hilarioius. Nothing like a "serious" rebuttal to a piece of satire...

Patrick, I hope you're joking... ROFL.

[Patrick]

Oh and yeah JSA GAMER I am a Sony Fan, I am also an Xbox fan and will be a 360 fan when I feel comfortable enough with its reliabilty. But I am no fanboy..I am Married with 2 kids and I work hard for what I have. I didnt attack the 360. I personally dont care for the Microsoft company as a whole but I dont take that out on the 360 and will get one someday. I also enjoy nintendo and last gen, had a Gamecube, PS2 and Xbox. My 1st choice is Playstation.. but there are current and past 360 games I look forward to playing as well as future games like Alan Wake I am looking forward to.

[TheColbertinator]

@Patrick Bubbles for your point of view on the qualities of the PS3.

@JSA gamer Yeah,Patrick is a PS fan but at least he is not a troll

[Armyless]

Was Patrick supposed to respond with "satire" in kind? If yes, what's the point in this article at all?

Patrick gave a non-satirical response. Judging by the sheer infrequency with which you respond, JSA, I'd say you're not experienced to judge another man's post like that.

Satire ---> Open Zone

[Lyan]

Wow, way to miss the point of the article... Humor is deeper than cat photos with silly quotes.

If you really feel this sensitive about your purchase in consoles and find the need to justify it in a light that only shows what you think is positive, then you should probably take a breather and relax.

"Get ready for a serene and spiritual online multiplayer experience where most gamers dont talk crap and alot of them do actually have headsets except for the ones that are to cheap to go out and buy one"

Wow. "Drink the Kool-aid!" or are you too cheap!?

[Tacki]

Ah, I'm not 'offended' by the article like some crazy Sony peeps probably will be. Afterall it's satire. Just... not very funny satire if you ask me. I read his Microsoft Experience as well and didn't find it much better. I dunno... maybe he's trying too hard. Feels like I've heard most of these jokes before.

[zodiac909]

why does it seem like he is shooting down the ps3?

[iceman2885]

But I just had a few problems with what he decided to pick on. The first problem is when it talks about the size. It's about the same size as my 360, a little bit bigger, but not so much so that I would notice. The other one is that blu-rays are 30-40 bucks. In today's day and age I would hope everyone realizes that blu-rays can be had on Amazon for usually about 20 bucks for the newest ones and cheaper for older ones.

Other than that it hits some good ones, like I really do feel like I found a unicorn whenever I find a game of COD4 where people are using their mics.

Some sarcastic comments that I would have picked on if I had written the article for a ps3 would include:
1. Don't worry, if the battery on your controller isn't charged and you don't happen to own or buy a long usb cable, get ready to go have yourself a meal while your contoller charges or be prepared to play close to your tv (i'm sorry, that just always really bugged me).
2. Oh, you just bought your ps3, sorry but you don't have the best version available, it just so happens that sku with all the BC equipment was discontinued, by the way it has more usb ports on it as well.
3. Yes, the first party exclusive games for the ps3 are sweet...too bad there are only like 10 of them currently available

Edit: BTW I love my ps3, I was just going with the spirit of the article

[Patrick]

lol.. See now thats funny..You took TRUE statements and little irritants and made a joke out of it.. but thats not what the guy in the article did. He wasn't even trying to be funny and if he was.. wow.. he really sucks at it..maybe we should take donations and get him a joke book or something. Maybe just give him a wedgy to show him the difference of harmless humor and.. well whatever that was he wrote which wasnt satire.

[panasonic23]

how is he a fanboy man he just doing what hip hop gamer does all the time

[InMyOpinion]

It's ok as long as it's nothing that could be considered negative about the PS3. I thought you knew.

[Timesplitter14]

This is ridiculous.

A man in search of attention

[Armyless]

o_O

[RAM MAGNUMS]

if you really had something to say or want to get a rise from a team of online guys.
buy your friend a mic!
you can pick anyone you want. Ps3 gots alot of style. Don't let me catch you on socom without
a mic. Don't know how to enjoy the online experience? Are you a funny person? Do you creep people out?
look for one in stores. Not me...
I use my old ps2 mic. I've had it for years!

Ps3 FTW!!!

[Lord_Ash]

Nice try but could have been funnier; let’s see what he says about Nintendo.

[PistolPumptMonk]

This sounds like it was written in 2005. 600 dollars for a PS3? No Dualshock packaged? PSN like playing an online game in 1997? 30-40 dollars for a blu-ray movie?

I understand that its supposed to be funny, but try to at least make your jokes relevant.

You can't miss the humor when it isn't funny....

[Patrick]

So your going to buy the PS3? YES.. you wont be sorry my friend. Hey.. why dont I walk you thru a few things so you will know exactly what your buying..

First, is that you need to decide which one you want to buy, Sony is all about options and customising so as far as colors, you have Black and .. well.. lets see.. I know they showed a silver one and a white one at the show.. hum.. well you got black but dosent it look sweet and shiney.

ok next you need to decide which one as far as options.. this one has backward compatibilty using software emulation and this one has non.. it also doesnt have a memory card reader, has a smaller harddrive, less crome work, less USB ports, no SACD support..hum....ok so you only really have one option there too, but hey.. you get what you pay for right? and everthing is right here in the box. Well except an extra controller, a headset, an HDMI cord, a remote control since its also a Blu-ray/dvd player, the PSEYE camera, oh and dont forget your memory card if you want one. But other that that.. everything is in the box.

ok, now as I mentioned it is a Blu-ray player.. so lets go look at those. Hey, here you go, all three Pirate movies, both national treasures, oh.. you like the Die Hard movies.. What?.. the price.. well their just a tad bit more than the dvd. Just dont think about it. ok their a good $10-$15 more.. but its so worth it, stop worrying.

Next is games.. there are a ton of great games for the PS3 and since it uses Blu-ray the games have plenty of space to be much bigger and longer than the PS2 games.... lets see.. thats a good one.. um.. that one.. not so good. Lair? heh heh .. lets not talk about Lair.. Heavenly Sword?.. great game but no dont buy that one, you can beat it in like one day, definately a rental, as well as that one and that one...... hum.. well there is always Resistance, and then theres a few other good third party games that you can get on 360 as well. What? Why not just get a 360? bite your tongue man, they are the devil to us Sony Fanboys. And besides it will probably just lock up and set your house on fire from all the heat it generates.. forget the games.. its the PS3 and it does oh so much more.

OK Lets head to the register... your almost there, as soon as she gets done ringing you up you can pay and we can head out. Great theres your total.. oh,, HEY.. man wake up.. you passed out on me there for a second. Yeah thats what she said..What? How much do you have? You got a credit card dont you? Its a debit.. great.. use it. ohh forget groceries and clothes for your kids. Ever heard of Mac and cheese and yard sales. This is the PS3.. did I mention it had blu-ray? Ok look, well put back the die hard movies.. you said you have those on dvd anyway.. now is that better, you can go buy milk if you just have to have it.. darn.

ok so we got it here. lets get that baby out. Carefully its heavy.. here let me help.. darn it.. ok you grab that side and Ill take this one.. ready.. on 3... 1, 2.. 3.... 3... 3... crap.. you got a fork lift? no. how bout a winch.. ok, give me that knife and we can just cut the box off from around it..

Ok now you grab that side and lets put it in your entertainment center.. careful.. ow, ow .. its on my fingers!.. my fingers!... oh.. man.. thats gonna hurt for a while.

Wow..look at that..I mean its so smooth and sturdy..man.. look at all the finger prints on it.. give me that cloth. There. hum.. its a little uneven in there let me just bring it forward.. there.. hum, more finger prints.. give me that cloth again. there.. now just dont ever touch it. And keep that cloth close.

Now that you got it all setup lets go thru some of the Functions:

Try popping in a CD and lets flip thru the different graphics and lightshows to see what cool stuff they have added since PS2 days, press the square.... oh thats pretty cool.. its.. well I dont know what the hell that is. lets try the next one.. planet earth!.. thats pretty cool ...if your playing a song like ""fly me to the moon" but thats gonna get boring real quick.. next....I said next.. he he .. one more time.. next.. what the? thats it? oh well.. forget that.. your other cd player doesnt do any more.. yeah I know it didnt cost that much but its the PS3. lets move on.

Get online, see, you can even surf the web.. go to www.N4G.com, nope, you cant log on and comment, have to do that from your computer. Nope you cant download that type of video either.. oh hey what did you do? oh...Theres not enough memory to have both those pages up.. close than one.. hey you cant read more than one at a time anyway... who cares.. at least it surfs the web.

Hey, lets get into one of the games.. ok.. fine lets get into the only game you bought.. Resistance.. heres the headset you bought.. this is gonna be great.. Well comeone talk to people, they are on your side. What do you mean no ones talking theres like 30 guys in there. hum.. your right.. well guess they didnt buy a headset.. but man listen to how quiet and serene it is.. ok forget gaming.. its a PS3 and there is other stuff coming.. like Home.. yeah its been delayed like 6 times.. but hey its gonna be great.. and the games will come.. at least you can use it as a Blu-ray player. Plus man.,. its a PS3..
What do you mean why didnt I know this stuff already?.. hell I dont have one.. yeah, cant afford it. But as soon as that second mortgage goes thru.. its mine.
OUCH.. man you hit me in the eye! At least you can say you got a PS3...

[JSA-Gamer]

Look up "satire."

[Patrick]

I did and its Sarcasm, irony, wit, HUMOR, ridicule. But if I used the word wrong, sorry.. but mine is still funnier.