The story is too old to be commented.
967d ago
egidem967d ago

Reading the title made me laugh!

brish967d ago (Edited 967d ago )

Sad part is it wasn't meant as a joke.

This is what kotaku considers "game journalism"! wtf?!

Kingthrash360967d ago

Mario doesn't either
*Brain explodes*

PhucSeeker967d ago (Edited 967d ago )

@brish "Video game dicks are hard" ! Seem like a joking-around article to me.

FarEastOrient967d ago

Won't be long before the modding community fix that problem.

b_one967d ago

There is no processing power able to render that thing.

aLucidMind967d ago

This shall spark a revolution in dong physics! Certainly nothing is more important!

Tapani966d ago (Edited 966d ago )


Hahah! you made my day! :D

CrashJones967d ago

He's a grower, not a show-er.

Dee_91967d ago

boy kotaku has turned into grade a gaming journalism... besides, he has a bath scene early on, you can see some sort of penis, not that I was looking.. so not only is this stupid, its wrong.

pixelsword967d ago (Edited 967d ago )

It's not the size of the boat, it's the 1080p, 60fps definition of it in the ocean.

Kingdomcome247967d ago

Your username is perfect for this article, lol.

DragonKnight967d ago

Newsflash to Kraptaku, 99% of all video game characters do not have genitals. Makes one wonder why gender is so important to some people doesn't it?

aLucidMind967d ago

Maybe him not having a penis is important to them because they've taken the fact you can sword-fight the wrong way.

gamey967d ago (Edited 967d ago )

Dude, get over it. It's funny. And your comparison sucks balls because in most games there aren't balls to suck but in this one there should be (balls to suck). And Kotaku is called Kotaku. Don't be immature.

DragonKnight966d ago

@gamey: It's not funny, and it's Kraptaku. When you publish 99.999999999999999% s*** articles, your name is officially changed to some variant of fecal matter. That's internet law.

And unless this game actually has gratuitous hardcore sex scenes, then no there shouldn't be balls because you would never see them anyway. This game couldn't sell with hardcore sex scenes, so what you're seeing is softcore porn where you never see either the male's or the female's genitals anyway. If you think this is funny, I'd say you're the immature one.

Dee_91967d ago

i demand penis NOW!


ChrisW966d ago


Yeah... I bet you do!*

*(to be taken lightly)

3-4-5967d ago

Barbies don't really have Vaginas whats the big deal ?

gamey967d ago

Because Barbies don't have full-frontal sex scenes. I hate to crap on your analogy but you missed the concept of "context". So...*crap*.

kenwonobi967d ago

The game heroes just have such large cocks like us gamers that we all have to tuck it right?

aLucidMind967d ago (Edited 967d ago )

Everybody knows Geralt can pole-vault with his junk! It's canon that his size is so incomprehensible that our brains just can't render it... Polygon totally just confirmed this is canon ;)

+ Show (9) more repliesLast reply 966d ago
Septic967d ago

I knew the women were faking it all along. Story of my life

iiorestesii967d ago

This is the most awkward I have ever felt in a comment bubble

Ghost_of_Tsushima967d ago (Edited 967d ago )

Geralt having no penis and that dumb useless no good for nothing horse makes me angry! No more Witcher 3 for me.

967d ago
XB1_PS4967d ago

OMG The swimming?! I feel like I'm trying to summon a dolphin everytime I go underwater. Flip flopping around like i'm doing tricks for snacks.

Hellsvacancy967d ago (Edited 967d ago )

Swimming in Witcher 3 is AWFUL

I saw this smallish area of water, it looked odd so I went over to it and noticed I could swim directly down, two chests sit underneath me, it literally took me ten minutes to open one of them, there's hardly any room for movement and soon as you touch something Geralt swims all over the place in a retarded fashion, it was REALLY frustrating

I got in the end but what a way to break the immersion, soon as I got out I went and slaughtered and load of drowners

Khajiit86967d ago


Doesn't help that the button to loot is the same button that is used to swim faster.

Ghost_of_Tsushima967d ago

I'm glad I'm not the only one thinks the swimming is horrible also. Takes him to much room to perform basic moves underwater.

bomajed967d ago

it's all about getting used to it, it's more like assassin's creed black flag swimming rather than GTA 5 swimming.

jznrpg967d ago

It took me 2 or 3 minutes to get used to swimming, but it didnt seem that difficult.

gamey967d ago

Dude. You have to use the dong as a rudder. It's there you just can't see it. Hit xxx on xbone. Prob same on PC.

+ Show (3) more repliesLast reply 967d ago
kaizokuspy967d ago

Swimming is easy. Don't use the stick to dictate height. Press square to go down and circle to come up. Swimming is really easy, most people (myself included) aren't used to that.

967d ago