I Am Legend: Plight of an Xbox Gamer

As I look around the various sites on this fine internet, I've come across one bizarre S.O.S message that's repeating in a constant loop. The sender of this distress call goes by no callsign yet his cries for help are unmistakably the same.

"Help. I am the last true Xbox Gamer. The Sony Ponies have taken over this site. I will be broadcasting this message on all frequencies. Please help me."

I blink in confusion as I scour more articles. From political websites like The Daily Beast to the hive of scum of villainy that shall not be named -- There is always one voice amidst the sea of dissent that claims to know the truth in spite of everything. I find this to be rather perplexing, so I've decided to live as an Xbox Shill and see how what it is to see through their eyes.

- Day 1 -

I've come to embrace The One as my true savior. I'll admit to be slightly on the nervous and edging on Buyer's Remorse but I keep my spirits high with news of Dead Rising 3. Forza looks like a joke with its static background and Ryse is made by Crytek, a Dev that came out and said Graphics are more important than gameplay, so I'm having real trouble justifying my $600+ purchase to my friends. PS3 is STILL getting exclusives and if last gen repeats itself, Sony's 1st Party Devs will win all the awards...

Still, I must soldier on. Open world Zombie game. Meep.

- Day 7 -

Not feeling good today. Two more games have been downgraded from native 1080P resolution. I've been getting mocked relentlessly on several message boards. Made myself feel better by hanging around OXM and official Microsoft boards. Most threads degenerated into circular stroking of each other's ego and I promptly logged off.

Have to take a shower, I feel so dirty...

- Day 21 -

Penello or some other guy came out to praise retail and disc based games. I seem to remember him saying something to the exact opposite effect about a month ago..

Can't remember...head feeling so fuzzy........five billion transistors.

- Day 29 -

Phil Harrison did an interview and said a bunch of things translated to gibberish to my ears. I don't care. He could say the Xbox One will come to my house and repeatedly bludgeon my family to death and I'd still buy it. I don't care anymore. The One is truly The One. I made a pun about The Matrix, heh, must remember to put that in a sig or something. Naturally, people came out in droves to disprove him...they used things like 'Graphs' and 'Facts' and even some thing called 'Words'. Those trolls are so kooky...

- Day 30 -

Curse those soldiers. I hate them. If it weren't for them and their nuclear submarines, I would have had my Always Online requirement. Curse those foreigners, I wish the military would blow up every single country without internet so I can be prevented from trading games. It's my fault! it's all my fault! Please forgive me, Microsoft, I'll cut myself in front of a picture of Don Mattrick and ask for forgiveness....when I get my Xbox One, I won't download the patch so that your original vision can be preserved because it is the true future of gaming and everyone who doesn't believe me is the enemy,

Everyone is out to get me. Every site has millions and millions of trolls out to get me. I am the only one left! Sony has their claws everywhere. The Media, the magazines, the developers, the gamers, MY MOM! They are all Sony Ponies!

Sonyponiesonyponiessonypines

*unintelligent gibberish*

- END OF JOURNAL -

Ahem~

Last November, a certain political party lost an election that they, by all means, should have won by a landslide. I'll not name said group but I will say that it is filled with screamers and rich, old white men. Back then, one of the Rolling Stone contributors had written a fascinating article about the declining state of said Party's mental health. He akined it to the various stages of paranoia: -

Step 1: The enemy is The Other. There are dark forces plotting out to get us from beyond our borders
Step 2: The enemy is within our borders. It is them, it is our neighbors that's plotting with them.
Step 3: Members of our faction are conspiring with our enemy. Our friends, our families, who knows whom can we trust?
Step 4: I'm the only one left, only *I* can be trusted. Only *I* am the last living sane person on this earth.

This what's happening in today's Gamer Sphere.

Somehow, in spite of looking out for the consumer's best interests, a minority (yes, given that you weren't large enough to make this horrific experiment profitable for Microsoft, logic states you are the minority) persists in labeling us as 'Sony Ponies'. It doesn't matter if you consider yourself a gamer, own multiple systems...hell, it doesn't matter even if you were solely an Xbox gamer the past two gens - Speak a word of dissent against Microsoft, you are a Sony Pony.

This group begins suspecting everyone is The Enemy. Every one is infected. Every negative piece of news is false. Every developer is a traitor. Every one is in the grasp of Sony's ever-expanding reach. Every 180 is not a 180 but a rather a 'Strategic Re-tracing of Gamer Favorbability Resultant Approach' and other lifeless robotic Empty Suit lingo.

By now you should be able to detect the correlation between them and that certain 'Political Party'. "Curse the others, the poor, the military, curse the Japanese, curse the indies, curse everyone. It doesn't matter if reality, facts and nearly everyone contradicts my opinion...only *I* know the truth. Only one news source is 'Fair and Balanced'...I just have to hold out long enough and everyone will eat their words."

We're still over a month away from the official launch, so it'll be interesting to see if 'The Lone Survivors' faith is rewarded or not.

But lest we forget, in the book 'I am Legend', the lone survivor turned out to be the real monster in the end...

----------------------------- ---------------
Disclaimer: MightnoX is wanted for stalking several Japanese Devs across three continents. He is most certainly NOT a large Mammal.

[TwistingWords]

http://oi43.tinypic.com/2up...

[thebudgetgamer]

http://www.roopedog.com/wp-...

[memots]

OMG that was hilarious !!

[gaffyh]

MightNoX should win the blog of the month award imo, this is quite uniquely and well-written.

[darthv72]

cool blog but: "in the book 'I am Legend', the lone survivor turned out to be the real monster in the end..."

damn you mighty...you could have said spolier alert. Now the book is damaged goods to me.

[FamilyGuy]

@ Darthv
http://en.wikipedia.org/wik...

He's not reeeeally the bad guy, more like "the bad guy in the eyes of the infected". This was also true in the movie because the infected leader was upset about him catching, experimenting and killing their kind which led to the capture of his (the infected's) wife/girlfriend/love.

[Ducky]

A pity it ended at day 30.
I wanted to know how many days it takes before one starts writing fanfiction about other fanboys.

[TomShoe]

This needs blog of the month.

[BitbyDeath]

Good post, I had always wondered why people stayed loyal to MS even though they tried to destroy gaming as we know it.

My eyes are open.

[dedicatedtogamers]

Props for referencing the actual book - not movie - of I Am Legend, which is a pertinent metaphor here.

I was once a Microsoft gamer. I use the term "Microsoft gamer" because I was booting games up on MS-DOS long before people got their first taste of Microsoft through the Xbox. I was there playing the first Flight, the first Age of Empires, the first Close Combat games. At best, now I either tolerate Microsoft (in terms of using their OS to play games on PC) or I ignore them (in terms of their efforts in the console market). And I say that as someone who was there Day One for both the Xbox and the 360.

The paranoia among the Xbox gamers is just proof that the fascade has fully cracked. 360 was "on top" for so many years according to certain gamer and journalist factions. 360 has more exclusives! Wait, now it doesn't, so now that doesn't matter. 360 is dominating Metacritic! Wait, now it isn't, so now that doesn't matter. 360 has all the indie games! Wait, now it doesn't, so now that doesn't matter. Graphics, superior online, better multiplats, better multimedia, on and on...now these things just don't matter, do they?

The final crack was "360 is more hardcore". That crack started back in 2009 when Project Natal was unveiled, and I think with the Xbox One reveal, the crack has finally split the Xbox fascade wide open. True gamers realize it was all just an image Microsoft was putting on.

[OrangePowerz]

I also liked when they started to count Indie games as exclusives and as a big advantage for the 360, but now since the PS4 has many indie games nobody cares about those cheap indie games.

Kinect is funny becaues many didn`t like it from the start or bought it and didn`t like after using it, but now Kinect is awesome and the best thing of any next gen console.

[pyramidshead]

I do agree with the amount of people on forums lately that have(or still are) been constantly chewing sour grapes ever since the february ps4 announcement and later on the may reveal of XB1. The 360 definitely had its day and resonated well with a more online focus with its exclusive but it seems to have waned over time where as the Ps3 grew in strength which is clearly noticeable as we come to end of this gen. I feel as if pro 360 gamers were just expecting to roll into next gen free and easy with 360x2 and be blown away by it and take an easy victory because Microsoft is rich as tits and the 360 was such a success. But unfortunately it's just one of those matter of fact things that the opposite happened(to a degree) and they're finding it hard to come to terms with.

[DestinyHeroDoomlord]

Everyone wants to suck on the power teet

[memots]

Yup , I said a couple time that MS needs to win me back and was called a Sony fanboy. Never mind that i have the original Xbox and a 360 lol.

I am a PC fanboy more than anything else but i am very excited for my ps4 ( first time i get a new console on day one )

[OrangePowerz]

I like the Journal it`s funny :)

[yaz288]

lol this shit, so funny.

[GentlemenRUs]

"The Sony Ponies..."

1/ I am not a Pony lover
2/ I hate Ponies
3/ Not EVERYONE is a FANBOY...

Is this blog trying to flamebait/troll or is it satire?

[Nicaragua]

If you can't figure that out for yourself then its probably too late for you.

[GentlemenRUs]

I asked a question and all I got was this?

I can see why people think the community on n4g suck...

[rainslacker]

Really good blog. Funny, insightful, and well thought out. I don't agree with everything you said, or implied, but it was a great read.

I will say, that for the most part, the MS fans, at least on here, that you seem to be mocking, are really just a rather small group of users who post repeatedly saying the same thing over and over again, and calling out hypocrisy at every turn. There are Sony fans that do that on here as well.

I have seen, and believe more exist, Xbox fans that are more intelligent and capable of using critical thinking skills to understand why people may not like the X1 now. They don't resort to the lowest form of rhetoric, and instead actually discuss the issues being talked about. Unfortunately, they do not speak up enough before the more crass ones come out and start devolving the conversation into meaninglessness. Shame too. People like Septic(only one off the top of my head I can think of) are capable of being entirely rational and critical, but then you have people like (Edit: Decided not to call out anyone) who just want to say how awesome everything MS has done is, and refuse to show any modicum of critical thinking skills. And to be fair, There are times when PS fans do this as well. Fanboyism isn't constrained to only one side.

I miss the days when internet forums were actually moderated actively.:(

[McScroggz]

Good read.

As for the idea that any negative comment about the Xbox One is rebuked by the claim that said commenter is a Sony fanboy is true to an extent, but it's just the tip of the iceberg. The bigger problem is that any comment that goes against the slant of an article is almost automatically downvoted and replied to with vitriolic remarks. And it's not just Microsoft articles.

If there is a positive article about Nintendo but a negative comment, regardless of thoughtfulness and reasoning, it's downvoted. If there's a negative Sony article and there is a positive comment, prepare for insults. In general it's a really childish display that discourages thoughtful dialogue between two opposing minds.

Personally, I've become pretty cynical when it comes to Nintendo. I don't hate them, I love Nintendo in fact. However, despite the fact that I try to use logic, not project my opinion as fact and generally keep my comments peaceful so many times it doesn't matter. In fact, I even make it a point to try and say that I could be wrong about this potential scenario, or that my opinion may be in the minority; yet still, if it isn't inline with the article's slant then I might as well be trolling.

[memots]

Yeah its all Sony fans fault ill tell ya.

In the U.S its all Obama's fault but in the gaming world its all Sony Fanboys fault.

... I should probably leave this here .. -> /Sarcasm.

[Automatic79]

Great way to rally up the troops. Still picking up Xbox One on Day One.

Note: Wonder if said article is written with the other side of the fence in mind. I can just see it now. Mayday Mayday trolls are everywhere I can't seem to shake them off. No matter how many times said company strives to achieve here comes a troll trying to keep us locked up at night. LOL

[xHeavYx]

You can't write this from "the other side of the fence" because it would sound like...
" Sony sucks, they have the more powerful yet cheaper console"
" PlayStation defense force should react against Sony's user friendly policies, we all know checking in every 24 hours is the way to go"
" Kinect 2.0 is the best thing that ever happened to gaming, just like the first one and it's games, Steel Battalion just to name one"

[Software_Lover]

2 blogs, going in the same direction, stating the same opinion, possible flamebait or sattire (subjective)?

Someone is trying to get hits to win amazon gift cards?

Is this what the blog space on here has become? I dont mind the blogs, I like them, but I have never ever seen so many people write blogs about products they do not like or intend on purchasing. If I were going to write a blog, or multiple blogs in week, I would definitely write about something I found enjoyable.

Maybe that is the irony. He/she finds that writing negative about the console they are not purchasing brings more joy than writing about the console they are? That is another discussion altogether.

[McScroggz]

This is satire. Maybe not the most subtle satire, but it still counts. I don't get this idea that people should only write about the things they love because it can be just as cathartic to write about something that upsets you.

It's one thing if you're one of those commenters like Maria who constantly regurgitates the same things, always making everything about how much better one thing is than the other without any real intent for discussion. I get that there are a lot of people who troll articles on both sides of the fence and that it can get annoying, but let's not call for all people to fall in line because then every article would just be ego stroking by its fanbase.

[ThatCanadianGuy514]

I can't help but feel this is almost a copy/paste of greenpowerz diary.

[EXVirtual]

This blog is funny as hell.

[thorstein]

Brill I don't know if I need to say more than that.

The truly amazing part was comparing them to that "political party."

Awesome job, definitely blog o' the month.

[xHeavYx]

Great read. I say it all the time, Xbox fans do a lot of talk, but they always ignore the facts

[FITgamer]

This was epic. Well done sir.