Don't be a pretentious jerk


CRank: 15Score: 0

How to Score E3 Using 'SCIENCE' 2012

Another year, another chaotic corporate p*ssing match known as E3. Where developers, publishers and manufacturers all decide to climb into the same building in LA and scream at the top of their voices that their product is the best. All the while the media scramble, like bums fighting over a dropped sausage roll, to update their blogs first with every bit of new information. It's a ridiculous cacophony of blood, sweat and tears... mostly sweat.

One other thing you can rely on being around at E3 is the legions of fans on the internet arguing over who 'won'. Well, last year I brought N4G a way of impartially measuring the performance of the big 3 manufacturers in order to get a fair answer to that moronic question. As it was somewhat of a success I have decided to bring it back again this year, lucky you.

So go take a look at the original draw-up of 'rules' for this 'experiment' here...

...and then take a look at the results from last year here...

Now I'll post the 'rules' here, which I'd like feedback on to improve please:

**** AAA is intended to mean big budget, non-motion controlled, disc-based game and not a reflection of the game’s final quality. For the purposes of eliminating opinion completely ‘casual’ will mean any game aimed at children or 100% motion controlled (I know that may not be completely accurate regarding some games but the line had to drawn somewhere, for science) ****

10 points for:

1. Announcing NEW hardware or revealing in reality i.e. not just a trailer/picture or specs (consoles, hand-helds, tablets and phones only)

5 points for:

1. Announcing a new, exclusive, core, AAA game
2. Announcing a new, exclusive, AAA IP (stacks with number 1)
3. Showing actual gameplay of any AAA game (not in a trailer)
4. Announcing the purchase of any game development studio
5. Announcing a console price drop

3 points for:

1. Announcing a new casual game
2. Showing a new trailer with actual gameplay in it. (game 'reels' do not count)
3. Obtaining 3rd party exclusive content (not timed)
4. Announcing new hardware but not showing it in reality (consoles, hand-helds, tablets and phones only)
5. Showing previously announced but unreleased hardware in reality.
6. Console re-design/new model

1 point for:

1. Timed exclusivity deals
2. Each new feature of an existing OS
3. New trailers without gameplay
4. New peripherals for existing hardware

-1 point for

1. Every E3 gaffe (see bottom of avatars shoe, giant enemy crab and interference)
2. Trotting out any mainstream celebrity
3. Talking about sales figures

A bonus 10 points will be awarded to the company that announces exclusivity of a Metal Gear, GTA or Final Fantasy game (not timed) and 5 points to MS if they get FFv13 on their system. However HD remakes of old titles will not be granted the bonus.

In the unlikely event that brand new hardware is revealed companies will receive, in addition to the initial 10 points:

+1 for release date before the end of the year
+1 for announcing price
+2 if price is below $350
-2 if price is above $500
+2 for launch window line-up of over 10 games
-2 for launch window line-up of under 5 games
+1 for backwards compatibility

* * * *

Remember these are (mostly) last years rules, which I have copy/pasted and I would like to fine tune them for this year so all suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Well that about covers it, good luck to your chosen brand, i hope you win and get that cash prize...

...wait there's no cash prize? OK well I hope you get that trophy...

...wait there's no trophy? Remind me again why people argue over this?

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QuodEratDemonstrandm2082d ago

A new console should be worth ten points.
-1 if priced over $350
-1 if it has a stupid name (have you seen some of the "project" names?)
-1 if you have less than a dozen titles lined up for release within a month of launch.
+1 for backwards compatibility
+1 for msrp<$300
+1 if available worldwide by the end of the calendar year
/2 for every strobe light used during the unveiling.

So a $400 system with only six launch titles available and the name "adeptus" is unveiled with 9 strobes and comes out in September.

1/64 of a point.

Chaostar2081d ago

Funny stuff but also some good points, I've implemented a few of your ideas.

Just out of curiousity, how do you feel about laser light shows and hiding things under a velvet cloth to be revealed dramatically?

coolbeans2081d ago

+10 for making me giggle like a school girl in anticipation for the unveiling.


A-Glorious-Dawn2080d ago

Are you kidding?! I'd say that's an automatic win

Or at least +100 points, your call.

QuodEratDemonstrandm2080d ago

The laser lights count the same as the strobes. A velvet cloth gets a +1. A cheap cotton towel gets a -2. A pretty girl gets a +1, but a -1 if she's dressed like a streetwalker.

You're unveiling new hardware. Keep it tasteful.

BiggCMan2080d ago

I don't care about who has a better showing, who has the most bragging rights, or any of that. I just enjoy watching E3, sitting back and relaxing for the best week for gamers each year. I don't care about companies, I care about seeing new stuff, dumb, boring, or fantastic. It's just pure fun, but everybody has to turn it into a contest. I know a few guys who say E3 will be terrible if Versus 13 makes no showing. I mean wtf is that? Just enjoy all the news coming our way, regardless of if it interests you or not. That's how I feel about it anyways, maybe I will write my own blog post here about it.

thorstein2078d ago

If the velvet cloth is also wrapped around a scantily clad female...

+ Show (2) more repliesLast reply 2078d ago
A-Glorious-Dawn2080d ago

Looking back on your previous years carrying forward the good name of science, I'd say you have your hands firmly place below the bunsen burner..

But remember, basic research is like shooting an arrow up into the air and painting a target where it lands.

Chaostar2080d ago


If you're trying to say that the 'targets' are moved after the results come in then that simply isn't true, the rules are there for all to see and will not be changed after E3. In fact I'll vow right now to have the final rules up before 12pm(gmt) the day before E3, just to be fair.

A-Glorious-Dawn2080d ago (Edited 2080d ago )

No no, you misunderstand, Its a saying in the scientific field to do with basic research.

What you're doing isn't really research, you're on methodology and experimentation now..

Keep sciencing... I approve

Edit; the saying was kind of irrelevant but hey I'm having a weird evening.

Chaostar2080d ago

Oh OK, thanks then :)

Please understand when I say science, I'm using the term VERY loosely and pretty much nothing I say should be taken seriously ^_^

RockmanII72079d ago

E3 is an opinion thing, a winner can't be determined by numbers. System A might get a AAA game you're super excited for, and System B might get two AAA games you might consider buying. I think the best way to judge who won E3 is to have a bullet point summary of each conference and scale 1-10 how excited you are about each announcement, then tally up the points and whoever has the highest score wins. Still, I remember you making a similar blog around last E3 and I find your dedication to your scale admirable. Hope all your E3 hopes and dreams come true, peace.

Chaostar2079d ago

If only everyone, media included, thought that way.

However, when differences of opinion clash, there needs to be a way to settle arguments without the bias of opinion. Think of it like a game of football (not hand-egg); two teams can play each other and team A could play fantastic, while team B doesn't put too much effort in. Team B could still put a cheeky goal past team A and technically win the match but technically they were not the 'better' side.

So I guess it's all mostly for the purpose of settling bets and petty arguments, I'm not trying to change any opinions.

I like your method of opinion based tallying but that would only decide who you think won E3 personally. Also if you ran with that method and added together everyone's opinions of who won, the whole thing would boil down to little more than a popularity contest.

Again though, I'm like you, I don't care who wins, my opinion will not be affected by these numbers and neither will yours or anyone else who has the sense to make up their own mind :)

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