New Study Shows Many Parents Have "No Control" Over Their Kids' Online Gaming

According to a recent survey, children as young as 5 are interacting regularly with strangers in online games, but many parents feel powerless to monitor it

[Jackhass]

Lots of parents need to be telling their kids to stop shouting racist/homophobic things online.

[INTOmyMOUTH]

Nothing I love more than a kid screaming racial slurs at me during a friendly match of parcheeze.

[ATi_Elite]

Should say "most parents have no control or don't pay attention to what their kids do online"!

The kids sure are quite

I told them to play on the Internet while we watched our favorite show.

[johndoe11211]

I have full control over my son's online gaming. His system is not connected to the internet. Can't get more control than that.

[Digital_Anomaly]

Luckily I game just as much as my kids so I'm fully aware of what's out there. I monitor what they play, when they play etc. so I feel plenty in control. Not every parent is in the same boat though. Lots out there who are completely uneducated about what their kids are doing.

[ShaunCameron]

I think the correct word is "ignorant" or "apathetic," not "uneducated."

[generalwinter]

Its the same as with TV or anything else, if the parents don't pay attention to what their kids are doing, that can only lead to problems

[SmokingMonkey]

Parent: "I had to buy him COD! He wouldn't stop screeching and screeching!"

[Dravidian]

When diplimacy fails...

https://www.youtube.com/wat...

[rainslacker]

different topic but similar principal

https://www.youtube.com/wat...

[ATi_Elite]

Parent "the only time I can get any peace and quite is when he is up in his room playing that darn GTA game, you know the one with all the bad words and hookers. I mostly let him play it while I watch Game of Thrones, Oprah, or American Idol".

[Timesplitter14]

I wouldn't be so quick to blame the parents for this. You can't reasonably expect all parents to be hovering over their children 24/7 like paranoid christian moms.

From time to time children will (and should) be on their own. They'll do things that's out of your control, and sometimes these things will be bad, but that's part of life and growing up.

All this fuss is because old people are stuck in their old beliefs and don't understand that internet people are actually real normal people, and not malicious cyberdemons

[Dravidian]

If people are not even trying to actually parent their kids, then they shouldn't be having kids. It's called being responsible for your children.

[Timesplitter14]

Being an obsessive control-freak who will never let their children make decisions for themselves is the complete opposite of "responsible parenting".

Children need autonomy and trust as they are growing up. Otherwise they'll end up with problems later

[Spotie]

Cut the crap.

You know what I'd do? Take the console with me to work. Put passwords on the internet and limit what they can access. It's not hard.

Don't make excuses for negligent parenting.

[gangsta_red]

Spoken like someone who truly has no kids. As a parent you do all you can but with ever growing responsibilities, both parents working, rent/mortgage due sometimes monitoring what your child plays or does online does fall through the cracks.

Easy to sit there and type what YOU would do IF you had kids, point the finger and call parents negligent. Harder to actually be a parent, work full time and monitor your kids 24/7 as Timesplitter14 points out.

[ABizzel1]

@gangsta_red

Then they shouldn't be having kids. All the things you listed are things EVERY adult should have in some form (job / bills / responsibilities). And if their life is too busy, then they need to put a condom on and don't have kids, because even though they're doing all that to provide for them, not having the time for kids or monitoring their behavior and correcting it, is still neglect.

Emotional neglect can be just as bad, because it make social skills extremely hard to develop for those kids, which often leaves them behind in peer to peer activities and socially awkward.

If you have too many responsibilities adding kids to your life is flat out stupid, and calls into question the decision making skills of the parents, who will likely be in a financial struggle adding kids into an already full life.

You can't be an eagle 24/7, but you need to know what your kids are doing, make responsible purchases for them, and teach your kids morals, so that when they do interact with others they have standards and aren't easily manipulated and peer pressured. If a parent isn't doing that then they're a bad parent PERIOD.

Money doesn't raise a kid, parents do.

[Spotie]

lmao, somehow you took my "Don't make excuses" to mean parents can never make mistakes.

I'm not asking for perfect parenting. I'm asking for people to actually do what parents are supposed to do: raise their damn kids.

My sister is a single mother of four(with a new infant), and she keeps her three sons in line. She may have help from our parents and myself, but she keeps as much bad away as possible. And in the event that they do something they shouldn't, she doesn't make excuses. Bad influences are weeded out, if not before, then after.

There's none of this "It can't be helped" crap you're spewing. My parents didn't make excuses when they were raising me and my sister. And they weren't always around. We don't have money now, and never did, but they did right by us.

And yeah, we made our mistakes. Both my sister and I have screwed up. You think our mom and dad passed that off on anybody else?

I think YOU'RE the one who doesn't have any kids. If you do, I sure as hell hope you open your eyes up soon, cuz your style ain't worth nothing, buddy.

[gangsta_red]

@Abizzel
"Then they shouldn't be having kids."

Hooray! All child related problems have been solved instantly!!

As I said before, very easy to sit online and type out what parents should and shouldn't be doing, who can and can't have kids. Very hard to actually have a child and discipline them in the ways you think you should.

"Emotional neglect can be just as bad, because it make social skills extremely hard to develop for those kids, which often leaves them behind in peer to peer activities and socially awkward."

Uuum, okay...who said anything about neglecting your kids?

"If you have too many responsibilities adding kids to your life is flat out stupid,"

Who said anything about having too many responsibilities BEFORE having kids. Life as you get older adds responsibilities on itself regardless of if you have kids or not. There are a lot of things that can happen in life that can be out of your control, having kids is one of them.

"If a parent isn't doing that then they're a bad parent PERIOD."

Wow, Mr. black and white here, there are a lot of circumstances that go into parenting that you seem to not have experienced with or are just ignoring to prove your point. You can't just point a finger at a parent and say you guys are bad just because a child is messing up.

I knew a lot of kids growing up (and now) who's parents were directly involved in every aspect of their child's life and that kid was still bad or rotten. So does that make them bad parents too, even though they didn't neglect their child and that child still turned out to be a bad?

No matter what you can't monitor your child 24/7, you can only do what is within your reasonable limits as a parent depending on your situation. Every parent is unique, some have to work full time, others can stay home does this mean one is more suited than the other for having kids? Who are you to make that decision for them?

And we have all heard the stories of a child that goes astray from a happy home that did provide love and care, are you actually going to blame those parents too? Doesn't fit your comfy statements you made earlier.

[gangsta_red]

@Hicken

"somehow you took my "Don't make excuses" to mean parents can never make mistakes."

And who was making excuses in the first place Hicken?
Timesplitter is right, children will do some things that are out of your control as a parent, whether they're at school, at the park or anywhere else you let them. You have to give them a certain amount of trust and freedom so they can grow, learn and make decisions on their own.

Parents can and do make mistakes, never said they didn't butdoes that mean they're being negligent? You came off in your first comment that doing all those things would protect your kids from the horrors of the internet and even went as far to say it's not hard. Not hard? Spoken like someone who doesn't have children.

I wish all life's problems were easily solved like you and Abizzel suggested. Hey you know all those mass shootings in America right now, you know what I would do...take all the guns away from everybody. Problem Solved! It's not hard. (Extreme, but you get the point.)

"I think YOU'RE the one who doesn't have any kids. If you do, I sure as hell hope you open your eyes up soon, cuz your style ain't worth nothing, buddy"

LMAO! And what exactly is my style? Where did I explain my style of parenting?

[ABizzel1]

"As I said before, very easy to sit online and type out what parents should and shouldn't be doing, who can and can't have kids. Very hard to actually have a child and discipline them in the ways you think you should."

*Don't have unprotected sex and you significantly reduce the chances of having children. Fact.

As far as raising kids, I have multiple brothers and sisters a few of which I'm much older than, younger cousins, and currently my youngest brother (8) stays with me until our mother picks him up. So I've dealt with plenty of kids all my life, and not once have I allowed them to be flat-out disrespectful to me or anyone else when they're with me, because i demand respect, and have taught them morals, and if you aren't doing the same then you're a bad parent plain and simple. BAD PARENT!

You can make all the excuses you want, but if people are letting TV and games raise their kids, they're bad parents. And if they're too irresponsible to keep their P@#!$ (either or) in check and take a few moments to go to the store to get a condom, that's questionable decision making skills, and their parenting capabilities should be in question to begin with.

"There are a lot of things that can happen in life that can be out of your control, having kids is one of them."

*Don't have unprotected sex and you significantly reduce the chances of having children.

And based on the nit-picking and commenting of my comment and lack of comprehension goes to further my point that if you're a parent, you need to start taking some parenting classes ASAP. You need to get your life on track, and get some serious help because you have VERY selective listening and comprehension, and go off on several tangents just to make a point that has little to do with the topic at hand. The only reason I'm doing it is because of the 4000 c. limit.

And yes it is very black and white. When you have children they are your priority and it is your job as a parent to provide for them and do the best you can to prepare them for life on their own.

*You can't do that if you don't spent time with your kids or struggle to make time due to life's responsibilities. That's committing emotional neglect.

And yes some people turn out bad regardless of parenting, but it's a fact that children whose parents are involved in their lives are more likely to grow up to live successful lives as adults as well.

But as I said none of that has anything to do with the topic, which was parents not monitoring their kids behavior online, and once again back to my point and Dravidian's, that's the parent's responsibility to make sure their child actions and behavior are appropriate.

As a parent you can download the games they play, you are the primary provider of the games bought in stores, you can limit access thorough parental codes, passwords, etc... My brother has my old PS3 and Xbox 360 and I do all of this. There are mature games like Saint's Row on there, but I blocked them. You can take 1 minute of your day to listen in on your kids and see what they're doing and saying if they're playing a game online, and if it's immoral then you need to BE A PARENT, and correct it.

You are the adult, and any poor behavior that isn't corrected is a reflection on you as a parent. If your young child commits a crime you are held liability not your 8 year old. Parents need to be Parents, and not just some random adult around the house.

[magiciandude]

@Hicken, ABizzel1

If you have kids someday, please keep them off the gaming console and the computer. Easy, quick, and convenient parenting. And a significantly reduced risk of panic attacks.

But it doesn't end there. They'll be accessing a computer at school and discover the Internet on their own anyway. That school better be having strict filtering. Oh but some of their friends may know a clever workaround, there's too many that exist.

Oh but there's always homeschooling.

And there goes most of your kids' opportunities of learning important social skills and other skills that you probably wouldn't know about.

It's your call on what parenting style is best for you. You might be surprised what parenting is like, but right now you're here criticizing another N4G member's parenting based on some superficial comment, while enjoying some delusional image of ideal parenting, something that you've yet to experience first hand...

[Spotie]

You guys are funny. I say "funny," because what I really want to call you would be a personal attack, and I'm not going to do that.

@gangsta: You know full well what my comment meant. It didn't come off like anything except what it is. It's not saying you have to watch them 24/7 like a hawk, or even that everyone CAN. What's the study say again? Read that, read Timesplitter's response(in which he places blame on "old people" of some sort), and then my response to him.

Outside of that, your ignorance is showing. I literally give you examples of how I know parenting isn't a perfect science- I'm certain mine would rather we hadn't had to take public transportation some 30 miles on our own when I was about 12, but that was the situation we were in.

Considering how I can spoil every kid I meet and yet still have them listen to me as a figure of authority, considering I don't have to say a word to get my nephews in line and yet they're not so afraid of me they don't want to play, considering I was a favorite camp counselor, considering the kids at my grandmother's day care loved me, considering I gained the nickname "Moses" for how kids follow me at family reunions... yeah, I'm gonna say my parenting methods will work out just fine.

@magician: Yes, let's all go with hyperbole. Because that really shows you have a grasp on the subject, and what's been said by others. Let's take things out of context and generally show ourselves incapable of actually holding a conversation without pretending to be obtuse.

Let's ignore your comment, shall we?

Thanks.

[magiciandude]

@Hicken

"Yes, let's all go with hyperbole. Because that really shows you have a grasp on the subject, and what's been said by others. Let's take things out of context and generally show ourselves incapable of actually holding a conversation without pretending to be obtuse."

vs.

"I think YOU'RE the one who doesn't have any kids. If you do, I sure as hell hope you open your eyes up soon, cuz your style ain't worth nothing, buddy."

Let's ignore all your comments, shall we?

Thanks.

[ABizzel1]

@magiciandude

Once again nothing neither one of you have said is regarding the topic at hand, parents not monitoring their children's behavior online.

It has nothing to do with them going to school, seeing things on a computer at friends, etc...

It has EVERYTHING to do with not knowing what you're children are doing inside your household. All the other stuff you're adding to attempt to make a point, which you've failed at, is irrelevant to the issue.

If your kids are in your home, on a game console, playing games spewing hate, profanity, racial slurs, and more, and you're not stepping in to fix the issue, then YOU ARE A BAD PARENT. END OF DISCUSSION. You are promoting it by letting it go on, and you'll be the first ones to cry about your kid being so sweet and innocent when he/she comes across the wrong person in life that won't stand for what they're learned, because of your denial to address it.

As I said before you can't be around your kids 24/7, but you can prepare them to deal with life outside of your home, by teaching them morals, and educating them about issues before they address the situation on their own.

You don't have to have kids of your own to know how to raise children.

My brother is respectful to adults, because he is a child. And while he can say whatever he wants, he also knows there are consequences for doing the wrong thing, just as there are in the real world when he becomes an adult.

Chances are you have a zoo going on over there if you have little to no involvement in your kid'(s) life. The kids in this survey range from age 5 - 18, and if you don't know what your 5 year old is doing and playing on a game console online, using a computer, or even just running around the house you're then a piss poor parent. We're not talking about a 1 or 2 time incident, the majority of these parents surveyed have no idea what their kids do, how they act, or even play online and for the 5 - 12 year range that's completely unacceptable. They don't even know about friends list or who their friends are. We constantly hear bout kids being abducted after meeting people online, and it's also happening on game consoles. We tell kids all the time don't talk to strangers, but for some reasons it goes out the window when that stranger is only a voice online.

So yes, it's completely irresponsible of parents not to set some ground rules, or parental controls to stop their kids acting up, and preventing other people from interacting with them when they're online.

As I said early my brother has my PS3 and 360. I've blocked Mature content so he can't access it, and I've blocked friend request from random people. He ended up buying some games on my PS3, and so I put a password lock on all purchases. These are simple and easy precautions that a young child should have on their console to begin with.

If you kids are teenager then yeah give them more freedom, and take that stuff off, but at the same time they should already have morals in them they've learned from a young age to where they know better, and hopefully make wise decision when online.

But if you don't know what your young child is doing online, it means you're not monitoring them, and you're a bad parent.

[rainslacker]

I agree you can't expect parents to monitor their kids 24/7...that is a ridiculous thing to expect.

However, the excuse that some parents use that they can't control what their kids do, or their reasons for not being able to "monitor" their kids in much of what they do comes down more to the mentality that parents aren't allowed to discipline their kids, and them assuming their kids are more responsible than they actually are

It's not hard to monitor your kids online activity. There are tools available on both PC and console to do such a thing, and the simplest approach is to limit their time for when the parent is there. They don't have to sit by their child's side the whole time, because more often than not, a simple glance in and paying attention once in a while will be more than enough to figure out what their kid is doing.

IMO, if you can't monitor your kids online gaming...or online anything, then your kids shouldn't have access to that online. While most people are normal, there are plenty of predators, and kids need to learn that proper social etiquette on the net can be just as important as in real life. Especially nowadays where one stupid screw up can change your life forever on the net, and it will forever be archived for anyone in the future to see. In the corporate world, looking up people's internet history is all too common nowadays, and many people post extremely damaging things for their career prospects on facebook on an daily basis.

[isarai]

There are parental settings and voice chat settings on every platform. If you cant take an hour to read the manual or google it and set it up then don't complain cause that just means you were capable but not willing to protect your kid from this stuff. I'm not even a father yet i've set those settings on all internet accessible devices my niece and nephew have and never had an issue. Literally takes like 3 min once you know what you're looking for.

[Saelyn]

A lot of parents just need to pull that little power cord from the back of the router. Or lock up the PC/games in a cabinet like my parents did. I don't think some parents these days want to be tough on their kids because they don't want to appear like the bad person.

[VJGenova]

My stepmom wouldn't let my 11 year old half-bro get GTA V. His argument that all his friends had it didn't hold up, but when he said, "why can't I have it? I've already seen all the 'bad' stuff on youtube," she felt defeated, cause she was. She didn't let him buy it though. He just plays it at his buddy's instead. Parents have no control.

[Saelyn]

Oh yeah kids today will find it only because most parents don't monitor ( because the PC is in their room ) or something along those lines. I also think a lot of parents do it because their logic is: "Oh well I didn't have it but I want my kid to feel appreciated so I'll get them X." Which is primarily the problem

[Spotie]

Then he doesn't get to go to that buddy's house. He doesn't get to visit Youtube.

Parents give up their control.

[Saelyn]

Unless it's one of those cases in which "Hey can you pick up my kid as well after school" Situations where the parents are close; but not close enough in parenting styles.

[rainslacker]

I know it sucks, but it's important that parents also let the parents of their kids friends know what they are willing to let their own kids be exposed to.

I'd imagine more often than not, the other parents would be understanding.

If all else fails, and if the parent still can't seem to get that too happen, then it's time to stop letting their kids go over to their friends house.

Parents have more control than they're willing to accept. The above was just one example. They feel defeated and give up, and it solves nothing. Parents are there to lay down the rules and guide their kids the best way they know how...not to be beaten by their kids over what their kids feel is best for them.

If all else fails, it's just time to sit the kid down and explain to them why they feel it's not appropriate for them, and respect the kid enough to let them decide for themselves if they are going to respect their parent back.

Kids may lash out, but ultimately, they know who they're reliant on...especially before they hit puberty.

[GribbleGrunger]

There is this little word that parents used to use before they decided passing the buck was much easier and didn't run the risk of causing their children to disliking them: 'NO'.

The need to be loved has become more powerful than the need to love. Parents need to grow a spine because they'll teach their kids that 'being loved' is more important than loving, and the whole thing will get much worse.

Who am I kidding. It's already too late.

[ShaunCameron]

It's already too late, because for the last 50+ years the state has undermined the parents' (especially the father's) authority over what goes on in the home. This is one of the results.

[rainslacker]

I think there are a lot of parents that still are willing to say "no". It's quite effective...but there are times when you have to say it often, but eventually the kid will get the message.

I know parents can't monitor their kids 24/7, but they should be more assertive about what is acceptable and what isn't.

Some of the problems I see is that too many people think their kids are more responsible or mature than they actually are, or assume that the things they're exposed to are OK...or don't even bother to find out what they're exposed to. Since kids don't typically live in a bubble, it's the irresponsible ones that allow the kids of the more responsible ones to be exposed to stuff they shouldn't be.

It's sad that today's newer parents grew up in the internet age, and should know full well what is out there that is extremely bad for their kids to be exposed to, but things like this article make it seem like they feel they can't do anything about it. When my mom didn't want me to play my games as a kid, she'd take the system away. She'd let me know why she did it, and if I did something wrong, I usually didn't do it again....or at least got smart enough to not get caught.:)

[Summons75]

I could have told you this because that's the reason why I don't play online too much anymore.... not to mention I deal with stupid and annoying people on a daily so I don't want to come home and deal with more of the same.

[rainslacker]

I felt the same way when I dealt with stupid and annoying people every day as well...stupid service industry jobs.

Anyhow, I pretty much cut out online forums and interaction all around. About the only thing I did was chat with some people I knew from chat programs and gamed. Think that's why the whole online MP revolution has passed over me, because I simply was never that into it at the beginning, and when I play it now, it seems to be the kind of thing that made me want to go to college and avoid the service industry altogether. Strangely enough, even reading the annoying and stupid comments on here don't make me feel anywhere near as repulsed by the human race as it did way back when.

[Immorals]

Ignorance within parents is a scarily widespread thing. I used to be in outdoor education for children and I got an insight that really scared me!

[lockedongamer1]

Yeah, they do. It's called parental controls.

[VJGenova]

Two words, one program: keystroke logger.

No matter what parents do, kids will find a way to circumvent them. A buddy showed me that 18 years ago. Parents were clueless.

[BaconBits]

My kid is 11 an has been gaming since he was 2. I usually play with him and we mute any player that swears or just plain annoys. Now that he is older he does play more on his own and with friends but I am glad to see even if he is watching youtube game videos he is quick to close it if there is swearing. I know he does not do it because I am around because I have observed him playing/watching with his friends. I think I have done a good job with him and he in turn has a good grasp of what is acceptable and what is not.

[rainslacker]

I think being involved with your kids interests goes a long way in helping not only monitor what they're doing without them realizing it, but also instilling a set or morals in what they do because kids learn most of their identity, morality, and behavior from their parents.

Kudos to you for being involved. Think more parents would find gaming a really fun way to spend time with their kids. When I was a kid, I used to play Pac-Man all the time on the Atari 2600 with my mom all the time, and it's one of my fondest...and really only real memory of my mom at a very young age. She would beat me every time. As I grew up, I started playing on my own more, and I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like if my mom decided to pick up Super Mario Bros, or any of the other NES games I used to play.

[2pacalypsenow]

Many routers have options to turn off routers internet access to specific devices and limit the time it can be used . Parents just need to learn how to use them

[Gh05t]

Its not that parents "have" no control... they dont TAKE control. You know what my parents did they got rid of the TV. It was that simple. I went a decade without tv, games, movies. Only on rare occasions would I get to watch it at others houses. I played outside and with legos and grew a pretty impressive imagination.

Now days Social services would probably get involved. Like tv and internet is a right rather than a privilege.

Kids dont understand responcibility and they are given too much freedom without learning limits. They dont need phones and tvs. It makes my wife and i laugh going out to eat and wstching a family of four at a table all on their phones... you dont know what your kids are doing because your not being responcible.

[SaveFerris]

If the parents are not gamers, they could choose not to buy a games console for their child.

[Ahytys]

Did we need a study to know that?