Sadly, Geralt Doesn't Have a Penis

Note: Some readers might find this content objectionable.

[ISHU]

Blasphemy!!

[saladthieves]

Reading the title made me laugh!

[brish]

Sad part is it wasn't meant as a joke.

This is what kotaku considers "game journalism"! wtf?!

[Kingthrash360]

Mario doesn't either
*Brain explodes*

[PhucSeeker]

@brish "Video game dicks are hard" ! Seem like a joking-around article to me.

[FarEastOrient]

Won't be long before the modding community fix that problem.

[b_one]

There is no processing power able to render that thing.

[aLucidMind]

This shall spark a revolution in dong physics! Certainly nothing is more important!

[Tapani]

@b_one

Hahah! you made my day! :D

[CrashJones]

He's a grower, not a show-er.

[Dee_91]

boy kotaku has turned into grade a gaming journalism... besides, he has a bath scene early on, you can see some sort of penis, not that I was looking.. so not only is this stupid, its wrong.

[pixelsword]

It's not the size of the boat, it's the 1080p, 60fps definition of it in the ocean.

[Kingdomcome247]

Your username is perfect for this article, lol.

[pixelsword]

lol I know, right?

[DragonKnight]

Newsflash to Kraptaku, 99% of all video game characters do not have genitals. Makes one wonder why gender is so important to some people doesn't it?

[aLucidMind]

Maybe him not having a penis is important to them because they've taken the fact you can sword-fight the wrong way.

[gamey]

Dude, get over it. It's funny. And your comparison sucks balls because in most games there aren't balls to suck but in this one there should be (balls to suck). And Kotaku is called Kotaku. Don't be immature.

[DragonKnight]

@gamey: It's not funny, and it's Kraptaku. When you publish 99.999999999999999% s*** articles, your name is officially changed to some variant of fecal matter. That's internet law.

And unless this game actually has gratuitous hardcore sex scenes, then no there shouldn't be balls because you would never see them anyway. This game couldn't sell with hardcore sex scenes, so what you're seeing is softcore porn where you never see either the male's or the female's genitals anyway. If you think this is funny, I'd say you're the immature one.

[kassler]

Penisgate!

[Dee_91]

i demand penis NOW!

-kraptaku

[ChrisW]

@Dee_91,

Yeah... I bet you do!*

*(to be taken lightly)

[3-4-5]

Barbies don't really have Vaginas either....so whats the big deal ?

[gamey]

Because Barbies don't have full-frontal sex scenes. I hate to crap on your analogy but you missed the concept of "context". So...*crap*.

[kenwonobi]

The game heroes just have such large cocks like us gamers that we all have to tuck it right?

[Eejanaika]

lol

[iiorestesii]

Yall know what yall need?

[aLucidMind]

Everybody knows Geralt can pole-vault with his junk! It's canon that his size is so incomprehensible that our brains just can't render it... Polygon totally just confirmed this is canon ;)

[Gazondaily]

I knew the women were faking it all along. Story of my life

[bouzebbal]

hhhhhhh you troll :D

[iiorestesii]

This is the most awkward I have ever felt in a comment bubble

[Relientk77]

Geralda

[Bathyj]

So he's an angel then?

[Acquiescence]

So he faked every orgasm?!

[DoublePlusGoodGames]

Your avatar pic and your comment work so incredibly well together.

[PCGamingNoobs]

He took an arrow to the dick.

[scark92]

He took a pitchfork to the gut xD

[Hoffmann]

Kotaku FTW. *sigh*

[WilliamUsher]

I saw the title and said to myself "Well then... that must be a Kotaku article."

Wasn't surprised to see the link... wasn't surprised at all.

[Hoffmann]

What wondered me was that it got such a big interest here too lol

[Psychotica]

Well there doesn't seem to be any bathrooms either..

[Scatpants]

I never noticed it until you said something, but you're right I haven't encountered 1 bathroom, not even an outhouse perhaps the Witcher exists in a magical dimension where people don't need to use the bathroom or have genitals.

[Ashunderfire86]

back then they crap in a bucket, there are no bathroom.

[Kingdomcome247]

In crow's perch there's actually an outhouse, and if you try to open the door the guards outside make a comment about the length of time that the person has spent in there.

[k2d]

"An outhouse, also commonly known as a privy, earth closet, or in Australia as a dunny, is a small structure, separate from a main building, which covers a pit latrine or a dry toilet." -wikipedia

There are lots of these in the witcher universe.

[SaveFerris]

Doesn't seem to prevent him from satisfying the ladies.

[Walker]

acutally he has, but it doesnt look that big

[weirdo]

no genitals = no sale

[BlackPhillip666]

Poor SOB hes been outed!!

[carlingtat]

this is the kind of shit only kotaku would care about.

[mixelon]

It's a joke article. Holy poop. Kotaku don't "care".

[bloodybutcher]

Imagine the uproar if he actually had one.

[FullmetalRoyale]

I like to picture it with long flowing hair, and singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd.

[Perjoss]

No problem, I get more than enough of my penis fix from the GTA series.

[johny5]

That's sexist!!!

[JazMac34]

No worries someone will mod it in at some point, of that there is no doubt...

[g-nome]

Penis DLC incoming

[ISHU]

Lol!!

[Peace_Love_and_FPS]

It'll be called the Free-Willy DLC, for $0.00

[aLiEnViSiToR]

http://www.troll.me/images/...

TIL just how much jokes and memes there are about Willy xD

[Nicolee]

transgender confirmed !

[sevilha82]

then he must have a really fast tonge,"kus the bitches loooove him".

[windblowsagain]

I think a horse that doesn't swim is more strange:0

[GusBricker]

That's not what the stuffed unicorn said.

[scark92]

A Witcher does not require a penis to please a woman!

[Gilgamesh15]

At least they can dry hump.

[Tzuno]

Heheh, master bitcher was fingerin' all the time, i just knew it :P

[Atomicjuicer]

His loss

[lilmisscherry]

All my fantasies ruined in one picture. lol

[wraith4912]

Penis downgrade article inc.

[zombie78rock]

You know barbie and KEN have the same problem. must run in the family.

But any way this has nothing to do with video games and has nothing to do with how well the game is made. Witcher 3 is a BEAST deal with it people!

[IamTylerDurden1]

He's no Harvey kietel, you seen The Piano? That guy's like 90% penis!

[masterfox]

maybe it was downgraded to mangina .

[UNKLE]

Man.. today gamers dont have life really.. what a shit article.

[WizzroSupreme]

That'd explain a lot of things. Always thought Geralt was compensating for something...

[error13]

Vesemir must've blown that thing off with his Aard sign level 3 when he was training with Geralt.

[Geobros]

I was sure it would be a kotaku article when i read the title...

[TheJacksonRGN]

Is this satire? If so why is not labeled as such. I'm not giving Kotaku the click.

[dizeestl]

why is this garbage on the main page? so sick of liberal propaganda on this site

[megamanX2]

"Sadly, Geralt Doesn't Have a Penis"

i see some people have no life at all

[xx4xx]

I'm cool with this.
It means more babes for the rest of us!!!
Amirite?

[kenwonobi]

Are you sure? Maybe it is so big he has to tuck it? Maybe he just tucks it to do it?

[Pastorfuzz]

The only way to get the penis is if you buy the DLC

[Ogygian]

I demand a penis patch.

[Arty84]

is this evidence of the feminist agenda in gaming? castrating well known male protagonists?

[nub_cakes101]

Sadly, Kotaku doesn't have journalists.

[Drasill]

I am very simple man with very small penis.

[WhyHate]

Well being that he's a videogame character, and like most videogame characters yes indeed he has no genitals.

Either that or Geralt has what is called a micro penis. LOL :D

[TheCagyDies]

Yeah, when modeling naked male characters, they usually leave out the penis unless they wanted to show penetration during the sex scenes which would had resulted in an AO rating.

[rick4691]

And the dumb article of the week goes to....

[Greyfoxdbz]

Is this why geralt says "Witchers are infertile" multiple times.

[clouds5]

Dude... Why would they model a penis on Geralt if they never show his private area (the viewing angles in the screens are never shown like this in the game)? That would just be a waste of time.

[Wii_nes_007]

I hate Internet slang like troll, lmao, lol etc. but seriously I'm laughing my ass off, hilarious article.

[Germany7]

He is like Tom Cruise, hiding what he really is.
Kotaku is a garbage.

[mt]

NSFW damit man.

[Articuno76]

You mean there's no tesselated genitalia in this game? Man, I want my money back... or dick. Whichever's easier to arrange.

[DoggyBiscuit]

How do you pee?

[WhiteGamerInc]

Doesnt he have sex with lots of women in the first 2 games?

[xwilldemise]

Still more d*ck than the fanboys on this site!

[22CobraKing]

Why would you guys even want to look at his penis for?

[gamey]

Dude. It won't do it for me, but for the sake of people like me (who like ladies' parts) but with a different predilection (dong parts) dongs should be just as full-frontal as bush. It's just the way it should be. There is literally no argument against full-frontal dong that makes any moral sense given a climate of full-frontal bush (yay).

[DEAGLETURK]

Penis coming with the new dlc

[Toiletsteak]

Wow Spoiler Alert.