360 vs: PS3 (a tongue-firmly-in-cheek matchup)

Has anyone noticed the flood of anti 360/Microsoft articles of late? Is this the PS3 troll-brigade playing damage control due to the popularity of Kinect? Or, is the Xbox 360 a truly abysmal console? Find out in this unbiased, facts-only, head-to-head match-up between the PS3 and 360. Which console is the overall best buy? Will it be the 360 with it's shooters and new-found trendy gadget Kinect? Or will it be the PS3 with it's free online and strong exclusive lineup? Read ahead to find out!

DISCLAIMER:

I want to start off by saying that I own a PS3, a 360, a Wii, a Mac, and a PC. I haved owned a large variety of gaming consoles over the years dating back to the Commodore 64 and the Atari. Thus, I hope that you will trust that this is very much an unbiased comparison (unlike many other comparison writers that obviously have a bias when writing a similar review).

1. SONY vs: MICROSOFT:

As we all know, Microsoft kidnaps babies from third world countries and eats them. They come down a conveyor belt and go right into the mouth of Xbox developers. They are crunchy like potato chips. Bill Gates is laughing at you as he swims in your money earned through your blood, sweat and tears.

On the other hand, Sony fights for the little guy and gives hope to those that do not have a proper roof over their head. Sony vaccinates cute puppy dogs to prevent rabies. They have such soft bellies!

Victory = Sony/PS3

2. LIVE vs: PSN:

Microsoft robs poor defenseless fanboys blind with mortgage-defaulting high membership fees that lock you into financial despair and low quality P2P connections. At the same time advertising on Live is used to brain-wash hordes of soccer-moms into buying Kinect.

In contrast, PSN is the second coming of Jesus. It is "free". You are NOT paying for PSN every time you buy a PS3 game, and you are NOT paying for it when you pay that extra cash to buy a PS3 instead of the lower cost 360. PSN is NOT going to crap with hackers, and there are NEVER connection issues with new popular releases.

Victory: PS3

3. MOVE vs KINECT:

Kinect is a total failure and is a complete joke. Sales show that clearly 8 million no-body's care about this garbage. In fact, Kinect is so bad that it has become the fastest selling console hardware... fastest selling on the road to hell!!! It does not feature Killzone 3... and I can't dance... and I want to remain fat and on my couch with increased risk of heart attack... so it SUCKS!!!

Move is revolutionary and has changed how I live my life. It makes gamers Olympians with hearts of gold. Less people have it than Kinect because less PS3 fans are stupid. Lower sales means theat Move is more "exclusive." And PS3 is all about great exclusives. Low sales are good. Nothing is any good if other people like it (That is why I used to love Apple, but now hate them). Move games are superior to Kinect games because they look so good on the previews and fanboy blog posts. No actual good games are out yet... but... but... KILLZONE 3!!!

Victory: PS3/Move

4. PS3 vs 360 RELIABILITY:

The 360 has a 98.2% fail rate! I know this is true because some blog quoted this other site that said some survey was done on the subject in 2007 when interviewing PS3 fanboys who did not actually own a 360 but hated Microsoft and wanted to make the 360 look bad. My PS3 fanboy friend went through 7 360's... and each one RROD'ed and blew up in his face and now he is scarred both physically and emotionally. The 360 disk tray chews up games like ninja stars and throws them out at your eyes. My cat Skittles was sliced in half that way last night. I am still crying. The same has happened to millions of cats. These are all commonly known and accepted facts.

The PS3 was dropped off the World Trade Center last week by a buddy of mine and it still works. A guy who wrote a blog last week said his house caught on fire and his PS3 PUT THE FIRE OUT!!! It is common to find PS3's that are over 20 years old that still run flawlessly.

Victory: PS3

PS3 vs 360 Games:

We all know that the 360 has no exclusives, and never has,and never will especially when you remove crap games like Mass Effect, Gear, Halo, Forza, Fable, etc. from the equation. They don't count because they are not Killzone 3 or Uncharted 2... which are AWESOME!!! Multiplatform games also look worse on the 360 hands down. When people claim they look better than on PS3 you know they are a stupid Xbot. Paid off by Microsoft to lie.

Every PS3 exclusive is the BEST GAME EVARRRRR!!! When they get mediocre review scores we know to just ignore it. Chalk it up to corrupt Microsoft paying reviewers to score our games lower. We know the truth. We know the PS3 fanboy hype was right and that every PS3 exclusive IS the second coming of Jesus. The 100's of professional reviewers don't know what they are talking about.

...AND THE WINNER IS...

It was a close call, but at the end of the day everyone in our office agreed that the PS3 was clearly the better console in just about every respect. We truly feel bad for the disillusioned 360 fanboys. Maybe next gen guys.

[GodofSackboy]

Yeah, everything here was right. The 360 is old now

[adamx]

poor xbot it hurts to speak the truth.