Memoirs of a Senior Gamer

Should you have the misfortune of reading one of my blogs or seeing a comment of mine, it's obvious I've got the nostalgia blues. Video games have been my hobby for 20 plus years, in gaming terms this makes me a senior citizen. Not one of those venerable old folks that drops aged wisdom on your impressionable mind, oh no. I'm the kooky grandfather who's been castaway to the senior center and yes my diaper needs a changing.
So while you're here cleaning up this mess allow me to berate you and tell you why it was better back in my day.

This whole retrospect started off pretty innocently to be honest. It was one of those “Call of Whatever” games that my brother likes so much. With some free time on my hands I thought I'd give it a whirl and see what all this fuss is about. Now due to my age and propensity for the printed word, I always refer to the instruction booklet before I play said game. Well this game didn’t have an instruction booklet. Instead I'm presented with a limp wristed three page pamphlet only a lawyer could write! Page one, a bunch of warnings about bright lights and choking on your own tongue. Page two, a picture of a PS3 controller in case I forgot what one looks like. Page three, warranty and legal mumbo jumbo. At what point did this become the standard for instruction booklets?

When I was a kid an instruction manual first and foremost was printed in COLOR. It told you a story, a damn good one! What to expect on your adventures and who you're likely to meet. Little tidbits like the height of your character, their blood type, hell even their favorite foods were thrown in. You got the details on the enemies you'd be a meetin’ too. Should you get lost or need to remember that killer code from Game Sages (shame on you for what you did to them IGN!) then you had the Notes section! And we used it and we liked it! Then and only then did you get to the legal mumbo jumbo. Now I see all this hootenanny about what the best game of the year is. Who comes out tip top in 2013? The Last of Us? GTA V? Old Pappy will settle it for you right here and now. GTAV wins. Why you ask? Because The Last of Us didn’t come with an instruction booklet that’s why! Rockstar was even kind enough to throw you kids a map as well. Wouldn’t want to get lost now would we?

No time for a fancy segway, preorders you're next! The first game I ever preordered as a youngin was Ocarina of Time. You know what EB games gave me for my preorder? The Gold Cartridge that’s what. You'd be content with just that wouldn’t ya? Well they weren’t even finished yet! They gave me a calendar, a Triforce t-shirt, a key chain, and half off a Nintendo Power subscription! That cost me a measly five bucks and that went towards the total purchase mind you! Nowadays you'd pay 10 more bucks for the gold cartridge alone and you'd like it! That t-shirt and key chain combo would be branded as some TriForce collector’s edition nonsense. Oh and the Nintendo Power? Not even part of the deal, thank you very much internet! You kids are so starved Nintendo could probably resell you an old Zelda game as a new one and you'd like it, you'd love it!

The preorder “bonus” they give you kids these days is stuff that should already be in the game! Pre order Street Fighter 49.7 and get a green headband for Ryu! Shove your headband Capcom! While you’re at it give me a Mega Man game dammit. Then they try and pull the con that if you don’t preorder you may not even find the game! Newsflash sparky everyone sells video games! I found a copy of Colonial Marines at the bottom of my cereal box. I gave it to the dog as a chew toy. He wouldn’t even have it!

And what’s with you kids and your fixation on putting a numbah next to a game? I come on this site for legit news, not to see starving bloggers X list of X games for 2013. We didn’t care about reviews and lists back then! We were too busy hogging up the kiosk at Funcoland to care about numbahs. You know how we based our decisions back in my day? We looked at the box art! If it was cool we bought it, and we lived with our decision! You learned to like that game, they were damn expensive after all. Nowadays you get the steamy sales where they give you a game for a nickel and a handshake. Don’t you have it hard!

What’s that you say? I’m all clean now? But I had a bone to pick with DLC if you’d just let me exp- Fine go on and leave. That’s another thing with kids these days, short attention spans! It’s why you get a two hour campaign in Call Of D- Okay okay I’m finished. Surely I can’t be the only curmudgeon out there with a glimmer in his eye for yesteryears. Fellow old timers sound off below! Show these kiddies why it was better back in our day!

[Valenka]

I absolutely loved the satire. Very well written and very entertaining!

[saladthieves]

No fellow old timer here. Just a "new timer" instead. Sir, I do hope (like most of us here) to reach your age while still gaming hard. :D

"Newsflash sparky everyone sells video games! I found a copy of Colonial Marines at the bottom of my cereal box. I gave it to the dog as a chew toy. He wouldn’t even have it!"

I just had to laugh there!

[sanam369]

hmm... well written

[sAVAge_bEaST]

Ahhh, Reading the Instruction booklet, -The Car ride home, or when you had to take a dump.. The good ol' days.

DLC, and Price gouging, I would like to thank Microsoft for that.

Sony/Steam/Nintendo, I can get behind that big3. The other One can leave, and won't be missed.

[caseh]

I recall buying Mass Effect 3 and opening up the case as I walked back to my car to find there was no manual. 'WTF' Was my initial thought, I almost took the game back to the counter to question them about it. Thought about it for a moment, actually went to the extent of calling a friend who had bought it earlier that week to confirm there was indeed no manual.

Gone are the days of flicking through the manual, pausing every 2 minutes to check certain aspects. These days it's more along the lines of a piece of card with a code on the back for your bonus DLC. *cry*

[mechlord]

Yet, the price is still the same

[YodaCracker]

I too loved reading the instruction manuals, particularly with GTA where they would create a sort of traveler's guide to the game world. On that note, I do find it funny that the author of this blog chose GTA V over The Last of Us as his GOTY because of an instruction booklet, especially considering GTA V is the first game in the series not to include a full-fledged one! They give you a small insert with controls and a link to download a digital manual.

[Stringerbell]

Ha! I kind of overlooked that! Still better than a sticker though =p

[Ravenor]

Huh, I guess I hallucinated buying OPM to get the SOCOM 2 DLC. DLC was going to happen no matter what, it was as inevitable as Online gaming becoming a common thing associated with consoles. It's a poor replacement for Expansion Packs sure, but the idea that poor DLC is one platform holders fault is asinine.

It's far more rational to be upset at the publishers and devs for putting out poor DLC, Horse Armor for oblivion, poorly implemented map packs that inevitably end up never getting played yadda yadda.

But hey, having one less player in the race would really do us all good. Nope, Microsoft in no way shape or form has inspired Sony to do better (Which Sony has done better) PS+, the improved infrastructure for PSN, Playstation Move being superior to Kinect/Wii Motion+. No they did that all in a vacuum, thats how it works right?

[liquidhalos]

This is brilliant, thank you very much

[Stringerbell]

Thank you all for the positive feedback! I can only imagine what gaming will be like when we reach those golden years. I'm sure there will be a lot more to complain about!

[Tetsujin]

Something like this would be welcomed as an article more than a user blog, a lot of what you mentioned is something a lot of older gamers brought up multiple times. Especially the pre order bonuses; now your lucky to pay at least $150+ for anything half decent, and whatever you do get isn't even worth keeping.

It's sad when companies cut corners with booklets, overpriced "extras," and DLC, then justify their decisions only to later complain because "not enough sales."

[iceman06]

Excellent read!!! Sums up my feelings exactly. This would be a great monthly blog (no pressure). The characterization that you conjure up is perfect!

[Stringerbell]

Truth be told I had a lot of fun writing this. If people want to hear some more ranting from Old Pappy, well I'm sure something could be arranged =p

[Fairchild Channel F]

Well that's just great. If your a senior citizen for gaming for 20+ years then what does that make me when I've been gaming for 30+? The fricken crypt keeper that's what *sobs*

Thanks for making me feel old ;)

[Gazondaily]

Brilliant piece lol. I salute you sir!

[mydyingparadiselost]

Very nice youngin' but I remember when games was one button and a broken joystick, when the on/off button was a switch and playing a game meant hooking up your system with a screwdriver (yes, adapters were so convenient). I remember when your character was two pixels jammed together, when blowing on something was how you fixed frame rate errors and a patch was the sequel. I remember when games were name based on the gameplay action, monochrome, QBert being the height of gameplay physics and having to lay a level on top of your tv screen before you could play! Now if I could just remember my name and where I am I would be doing OK.....
I love the article by the way, if you can't tell, and I'm looking forward to another entry of memoirs of a senior gamer.... Unless Alzheimer's gets to you before you have a chance to quill and parchment a new one.

[memots]

back in those days my mom got me E.T and i had to love it.

[Kryptix]

Very well written blog about the past and present of gaming. I made fun of the three page manuals with a friend a week ago and we agreed that it was always interesting to know a little extra about the characters and backstory since some details go missing while playing the game.

The disc locked content was the worst and Capcom is at fault for introducing that. Back then, you had access to everything and didn't have to worry about DLC to complete the story.

[Ravenor]

Wasn't the manual thing more about the environment? I don't know maybe I'm crazy, I could have hallucinated that whole thing.

I've been gaming for 20+ years now, and I definitely identify that the landscape has changed. But it's also one of those things totally out my control as an individual and a lot of stuff people don't like I just don't care or avoid.

The importance of reviews though...that's gotten a bit silly in recent years. Game X got a 7.5 and Game Y got a 8.0, so clearly Game X is trash. Or even the idea that anything below a 4 star or 8 is going to be a bad game, it's all really gross.