Goodbye, Cruel World

Many years ago I had a friend whose girlfriend was going through a tough time. She would often call him several times a night. They'd speak for a few minutes or a few hours, depending on how badly she was feeling, until they were talked out for the night. Late one evening he hung up the phone after a particularly long conversation and trudged back to the computer room, where I was plowing through our hot-seat campaign in Shogun: Total War and doing my best to ignore the sad fragments of conversation that drifted upstairs.

He collapsed in his chair and stared blankly at the screen until my first wave of shock troops hit the enemy line. Then he said, "I've finally figured out why girls are so f**ked up." Mind you, we were 16 and fond of worldly-sounding generalizations that concealed our lack of experience.

"How's that?" I asked, ordering the heavy infantry forward. The battle was on autopilot for the next few minutes.

"They don't play enough videogames."

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