Kratos Rapes His Way to Mortal Kombat Victory

GamerNode's Greg Galiffa writes in "Faking News":
Several months before the game's release, Kratos has been crowned the victor of the Mortal Kombat Tournament.
In a recent development, Sony announced that the God of War protagonist will be added to the MK reboot roster, joining the the once-badass ranks of Scorpion, Sub Zero, Shang Tseng and Liu Kang. Now, however, those guys are pussies. Because motherfucking Kratos has entered the picture.
"I took down the fucking Greek pantheon. You think some shitbird with a harpoon and a string scares me?" the modest warrior Kratos said. "I once ate a live human just to make a wig that I never wore. I didn't need to eat him. I could have just ripped off his scalp with my shark-muscled hands. But I fucking ate him. It took 12 minutes."

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Darth_Bane792871d ago (Edited 2871d ago )

OMG!!! THIS IS FREAKING HILARIOUS!!! You guys reporting this are just a bunch of haters!!

Echo3072871d ago

Nah, not a hater, just older than 13.

Darth_Bane792871d ago

See? You are even attacking with age jokes! Totally a hater. Where is your sense of humor??

Nitrowolf22871d ago

This isn't News, it's a humor article story that should be posted on BadJoystick instead

PS3Freak2871d ago

I don't see the problem with this article. Funny stuff, you people are too stuck up.

FinalSpartan2870d ago (Edited 2870d ago )

kratos will destroy whole MK cast.

In the end story they should make kratos with the tournament with ease. with blood all over and kratos saying


echo in MK land everyone dead.

and also the word rape shouldn't be used lightly. just shows how unproffessional N4G is. Submitting articles with this awful language. you see that in more professional sites?

palaeomerus2870d ago (Edited 2870d ago )

Yeah the Mortal Kombat fans would just LOVE that. I'm sure they'd pay big bucks to see it. Great job! It's so creative and well thought out. How DO you do it?

FinalSpartan2870d ago

report this inappropiate article with awful grammer & language ,

lame article. foul language. Some may find offensive.

ambientFLIER2870d ago

People are reporting this not because they're a bunch of haters, but because rape isn't remotely close to a joking matter and it seems like the article was written by a 10 year old straight from an inner city public school. I know that N4G has very low standards, but come on...

Kingmitch232870d ago

I don't know Rape can be pretty funny

then again I guess its a matter of perspective

ambientFLIER2870d ago

Yeah, until it happens to someone you know.

Kingmitch232870d ago

I don't associate with people that get raped so thats impossible

Darth_Bane792870d ago

It's freaking Mortal Kombat people! The goriest of all fighting games! And this article is just a joke! Why is it so hard for people to understand that? Why yall gotta be all butthurt over something so silly and funny?

Ducky2870d ago

It'd be easier to do if it was funny.
As it stands, it's just plain silly.

Interesting read though.

+ Show (4) more repliesLast reply 2870d ago
italianbreadman2871d ago

Haha. This is the best article I've read about Mortal Kombat... ever.

Echo3072871d ago (Edited 2871d ago )

You should read more often.

@Bane: So I'm assuming you had something to do with this article? In that case, you should write more often. And lose the all the foul language. Spoof or not, it makes it seem so juvenile.

Darth_Bane792871d ago

read? Hell no! We play games!! XD

Darth_Bane792871d ago

Nope, it wasnt me, I wish, it was awesome.LOL

TH3 W1NGM4N2871d ago

Wow, that was a complete waste of 5 minutes. Reads like a junior high project gone wrong. Save yourself and don't click the link.

Coyotegrey2871d ago

Rape ain't no joke, but this is a funny article.

Bob Dole2870d ago

Rape is such a harsh word. Why not call it "suprise sex"?

BYE2871d ago (Edited 2871d ago )

I hope they make Kratos overpowered in this game, because Kratos losing even a round would just be wrong. It would be like Chuck Norris crying over a bee sting.

palaeomerus2870d ago (Edited 2870d ago )

Kratos only fights pussy gods that clumsily slap the roof of the building he's on and incredibly stupid monsters. Then when he loses THAT he comes back and tries it again because he won't die. How is THAT bad ass? He's only a big fish in a very small pond.

Killing gods is not terribly uncommon in the Mortal Kombat background either.

Hudahudahuda2870d ago

Pussy Gods? You mean the ones that can destroy entire armies with a single swipe of a sword? Carry mountains on their backs? Hold up the freaking world? Flood the planet? There really is no shame in losing to that.

Oh and cronos never slapped any building. He flat out tried to squish him with his fingers and crush him between his palms and eat him, although he was pretty stupid.

visualb2870d ago (Edited 2870d ago )

pussy gods? zeus? hades? posidon? CHRONOS? GAYA?

the stupidest troll-butt-hurt comment i've ever read on N4G =P

trolling Kratos because he fights "pussy gods"

wow...go read greek mythology kid, you know, ancient greek gods and stuff, before you pass judgement on what "pussy" gods they are

i tell you this

zeus would f*** up any current god.

as good ol' phil says in SJR, and an ancient greek would say to any of us today:

"My god beats the f*** out of your god"

because ancient greek mythos makes the bible and all other modern religions look like the Justin Bieber of Mythology.

now take your tail between your legs and go cry me a river because a 360 character isn't in MK.

PS. this isn't in defense of Kratos or GOW at all.

Palaeomerus just insulted one of the most iconic mythologies in the history of mankind, and thus showed not only ignorance, but that he's a ****** ***** *******

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