7 misguided lessons Final Fantasy VII never meant to teach you

CN: "When you're only 10-years-old and playing Final Fantasy VII for the first time, there's only so much you can take in. Even after subsequent playthroughs, it's impossible to register all the game's subtitles because the A.D.D-rattled brain of a child has barely developed beyond realizing that sticking metal objects in electric outlets usually yields a bad outcome.

Fast forward twelve years or so and you're playing Final Fantasy VII again through the PlayStation Network. Except now you begin to notice things that you didn't before. Important things like plot, character development, overarching themes and how absurdly enormous Tifa's boobs are.

There's also a plethora of life lessons that can be derived from analyzing Final Fantasy VII. Granted, Square-Enix would probably refuse to endorse any of these valuable (if somewhat misguided) lessons...and yet, they're there just waiting to be applied in the most inappropriate ways."

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tehk1w13289d ago

Tifa and Aerith are yummy.

That said, funny article.

3288d ago
camachoreloaded88063288d ago

I noticed that sh1t back on my first playthrough, haha. I was in the 7th grade back then, just getting into that puberty stage.

I can almost guarantee you when Advent Children was about to come out, all the guys who beat FFVII were asking themselves, "I wonder how Tifa is gonna look in CG?"

The makers of Advent Children did a good job of maintaining her most famous characteristic, but kinda toning the sexuality down in the form of a new outfit that wasn't suggestive.

The Killer3288d ago

in 1997 there was no al-qaida and there was no war on terror!!

but any person who takes arms to free his country from occupation is a freedom fighter/resistance!! and the terrorist is the one who is invading and killing in masses!!

mfwahwah3288d ago


Al-Qaeda has been around since before 1990...

+ Show (2) more repliesLast reply 3288d ago
lolcatz3289d ago

LOL. This part was the best to me:

"Appearances are everything when it comes to public perception. A solid wardrobe and charisma usually is enough to earn you an attractive stranger’s telephone number. But, in the Turks’ case, it’s also enough to get you off the hook for mass murder."

poopnscoop3289d ago

FFVII is such carp. teh Xbox 360 has so many better RPG's dan dis.

Nitrowolf23289d ago

funny now your comparing a 360 game to a ps1 game

poopnscoop3289d ago

Even on da original Xbox RPG's were better dan teh PS2's.

Besides, only nerds play RPG's. Real guys ply FPS' like Halo and ModernW arefare 2

NateNater3289d ago (Edited 3289d ago )

LOL poopnscoop, you crack me up.

Obviously you're the type of gamer that only likes FPS games. Thats ok. Just don't put down FFVII in the process.

calis3288d ago

Hey there's a thing called spelling...

poopnscoop3288d ago

FFVII was crap. All da gai did was whine and moap and cry. Lol or was dat FFVIII? All of thos ghey JRPG's are all da same.

Stop bein little gurls and play sum real men games.

Noctis Aftermath3288d ago

Halo is a mens game? wow really cause i could swear it was mainly occupied by pubescent teens with high pitched voices.

Real men play whatever the hell they want and don't listen to b1tches like yourself who tell them what they should play.

Admiral_Benson3288d ago

Lol. "Real Men" at least know how to construct a basic, coherent (look it up) sentence.

The fact that you spelled the same word incorrectly TWICE in DIFFERENT ways in the SAME sentence (Gai/Ghey - i assume you meant gay or guy?)and your appalling grasp of basic spelling and grammar makes it extremely hard to take anything you have to say seriously.

"All of thos ghey JRPG's are all da same." - Exactly the same thing could be said of most FPS's, especially the COD and Halo series. Not the greatest of arguments you have there.

Just another one of the new generation of "gamers" that think the world begins and ends with Halo and COD and don't have the mental capacity or attention span to appreciate anything other than FPS's.....very sad indeed.

+ Show (4) more repliesLast reply 3288d ago
DrRobotnik3289d ago

That prostitution is ok if it means to help save the planet. Tifa about to sell her body for information.

hay3289d ago

Sacrificing manly pride is also ok when you become tranny, being banged by a guy just to save the gal from the prostitution lesson.

Also, bargaining into people's houses is absolutely ok. Even looting those random chests they keep on the floor, is cool.

FantasyStar3288d ago

I better re-watch that part. That TOTALLY escaped me when I was playing that part at the Mansion. Is that what happened? world is ruined.

SactoGamer3289d ago

Yeah, the terrorism thing got me too.

Also, you forgot about condoning crossdressing.

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