7 things that will absolutely definitely happen at today's Apple keynote (lampoon)

"At 6PM BST (10 AM PDT) today, Apple will hold a much-hyped and hotly-anticipated keynote.

The event, hosted by Tim Cook and his bezzie buds like Eddie Cue and Craig Federighi, will be streamed on Apple's site and on Apple TV. And we'll have stories on everything you need to know after the show.

But what should you expect? What will happen during the event, what will Apple show, and what crazy antics will those infamous execs get up to?

We've pulled together all the rumours and all the speculation to provide an exhaustive prediction guide to tonight's show. If these seven things don't happen, we will immediately shut down Pocket Gamer for good."

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