Hardcore Gamer: I was afraid of the dark when I was younger. I would have my mom check under my bed for monsters, aliens, burglars and rapists; then the closet with a similar list of potential assailants. Despite her routine searches, she never seemed to find a single threat. Personally, I think it’s because she wasn’t really looking well enough, otherwise she’d have discovered my box of imported pornography and dangerously curdled ankle socks. However, it’s thanks to my mothers subpar monster-scouting skills and my realization that not all seventeen year old boys have Popeye night-lights that I finally decided to purchase a bed without an open bottom.