CRank: 5Score: 86710

User Review : The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

  • An incredibly beautiful world to explore.
  • The music is mind blowing.
  • Tons of quests.
  • It's very buggy at the moment.
  • Voice acting is still a bit lifeless.

"I used to enjoy this review, then I...." Aww shut the f*** up.

Dude, Skyrim is off the charts cool, I was in this town called Helgan about to get a haircut when suddenly a freaking dragon swooped in and was all like "Hot enough for ya?", I was like "F*** that, I'm outta here", so I followed Werner Herzog out of town to a small village called Riverside. When we arrived, Werner's sister asked me to go on a quest and I was like "Who made you Queen of quests?, I've just been attacked by a dragon and now you want me to go out into the wilderness again?", I was so angry that I ran into the forest to cry.

Later on in the game you can kill dragons whenever your stabbing arm begins to twitch violently. One time I was in the middle of a heated dragon battle when suddenly, my scaly saboteur lost interest in me and began toasting some abnormally tall gentlemen a short distance away. Unfortunatly for the dragon, these guys were tough as nails and they promptly clubbed the poor thing to within an inch of it's life, it was at that point that I emerged from the bushes to deliver the final blow. After sucking up the dragon's soul like spaghetti, I approached my new pals to invite them to my house where we could swap alchemy tips over mead and cheese, just then the larger of the two let out a roar and clubbed me over the head and of course, just like in real life, the force of the blow was so strong that it flung my character several hundred feet into the air.

The combat in this game is cool as cows but after weeks and weeks of playing 'Dark Souls' I found myself tentatively walking into dungeons with my shield up ready for attack, but a much more effective strategy is to just run in and swing your sword more times than your enemy. There are some wicked sick spells in this game too like the 'Restore Grandma' spell which lets you bring your grandmother back to life to aid you in combat, aww it's so awsome, her 'Incoherent speech' and 'Stay alive so long you become an annoyance' attacks are so powerful.

You can choose to be a werewolf or a vampire in this game, I'm so team Jacob so of course I chose to be a werewolf, it's so sweet, you get to beat the s*** out of people who don't approve of your new lifestyle but be warned it's a bit overpowered and it doesn't last forever, if people see you transfom they will attack you with their hands.

The voice acting is super duper, it doesn't sound wooden and lifeless at all, there were several times when I had to check the game disc to make sure I wasn't watching a Scorsese movie.

One time I joined the Thieves Guild because I thought I could be the one to bring down organized crime from the inside but then I found out I like stealing stuff, alot of the Thieves Guild quests are so sneaky, I had to check the game disc several times to make sure I wasn't playing 'Metal Gear Solid' or to a lesser extent 'Splinter Cell', it turns out that stealth is all about percentages though as you have to level up your sneak ability before you can stand still in a dark room without being detected by someone in another village on the far side of the map.

The graphics in this game are top nachos but I did hear that the game has trouble loading textures when installed to the Xbox 360 hard drive, so I decided to uninstall the game just to see if I could notice any difference...I wish I never did that because now I keep mistaking my TV for a window whenever I play the game, eighteen times I tried to open it and nearly broke my TV.

The multiplayer in this game is insane, every so often the game's developer 'Bethesda' sends out an evil patch that totally breaks your game and you have to try and overcome your frustration, for example, when I first played the game it ran very smoothly but then after I downloaded the evil patch my game started stuttering at random times even when there were no enemies around, it's so awesome.

Despite it's many flaws, I really love this game, it's just that right now, it doesn't love me back. Give Bethesta time to fix the major bugs however and you will have one wonderful game in your hands.

It may not be the best looking game ever but the vast landscapes will take your breath away.
Music is stunning, voice acting isn't.
The combat can be great fun but ultimately, it's a little shallow.
Fun Factor
It will suck you in and you won't want to leave.
The story is too old to be commented.
baboom2233341d ago

Legitimate review, unlike the other on this site. -.-

Btw I laughed at the title :P

Hufandpuf3341d ago

Can you review every game? I had a good laugh reading this :)

only thing i noticed though was that in the review, the voice acting was superb. But in the score: "Music is stunning, voice acting isn't." I need a little clarity here.

PhantomTommy3341d ago

It's hard to convey sarcasm through text :) The voice acting is acceptable but a little lifeless when compared to games like Uncharted and Mass Effect, the music genuinly is stunning though, thanks for the comment.

Vettur3339d ago

haha, loved the review. Thanks for writing this. Only one other user review, and the reviewer gave the game 5.0 -.- you're a hero! would write one myself, but i kind of sucks in english :P (from norway :P) But please! Keep up with the good reviews! you got an amazing talent in writing!

PhantomTommy3339d ago

Thanks man I really appreciate it :)