2010: The year of crap endings
Is it just me, or did a lot of game endings suck this year? (last year, whatever) I don't expect incredible endings from every game, but usually the AAA titles should be decent. Yeah, we got Red Dead's very meaningful and arguably taboo-breaking finale, and the epic suicide mission in Mass Effect 2. Hell, in Bayonetta you get to punch God into the sun. I'm freaking catholic and I thought that was awesome. But nearly every other major game I played just, ugh. Here are the worst (in games that were pretty good up until that point)
Heavy Rain: consequences? what are those?
I'm not even going to touch that plot twist here (if you haven't played it, just imagine if like 3 other people talked to Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. It's like that) and the endings are good when they make sense. But chances are they don't. Really, the endings all depend on two or three conditions, and all the other ones don't have impact when they should. Examples:
Ethan: gets to walk free even if he killed a guy to save his son.
Madison: Someone congratulates her on catching the killer, regardless of whether she actually caught him, or even if he was caught. (just so long as she reaches Shaun's location at the end)
Jayden: All the parts when you choose to resist or give into his addiction have no impact on whether he quits or OD's at the end.
Shelby:... actually, these are all pretty awesome.
God of War III: Kratos loses all FOUR of his testicles
What's your favorite God of War weapon? The classic chained blades? The hammer that summons ghosts? The boxing gloves shaped like lions? How about the power of hope? Yes, after killing the last titan and god in a single blow, God of War takes a turn that freaking yu-gi-oh would call "kind of corny" and Kratos fights Zeus with hope. As much as I'd like to see Kratos redeem himself, this turn is FAR too sudden. And to top it all off, Athena, the LAST likable character in the series, decides to betray you and try to take the power for herself. So Kratos offs himself and somehow this restores hope to the world or something. As the credits rolled I thought "well, I lost all emotional investment near the end there, but at least it had the balls to end Kratos's story and not do some stupid, lazy set-up for a seq- MOTHERFU
Blazblue: Continuum Shift: the plot has taken two freaking steps
At the end of Calamity Trigger, our hero fights a robot lolli in the city's power reactor, the true villain reveals himself and sets up the sequel. Continuum Shift ends with our hero fighting a robot lolli in the city's power reactor and the true villain reveals HERself and sets up the sequel. Yeah. Okay, a lot of stuff happened in between but still, holy crap. There really isn't any more closure than there was in the first game, and most events just further complicated the universe. Heck, We still don't know exactly what the hell was going on in the VERY FIRST cutscene of Calamity Trigger. If anything, it feels like the whole series is still setting up, and I'm not getting my hopes up for the next game's ending.
Mafia II: This year's Modern Warfare 2
Remember in Uncharted 2 when it looks like Elena is dying after the last boss fight? Okay, now imagine the game just cut off there. I'm serious, that's Mafia II's ending. It's heavily implied that your friend is about to be killed, and Vito's just like "eh" even though they just fought for each others' lives against their own boss. Asshole. Any reasonable story would have had him kill the driver of the car he's in (still got your guns) turn around and save him. What was Mafia II too "sophisticated" for a gratifying ending? The current holder of the world record for most cursing in a video game? Go f*** your f***ing self, you f***ing snooty motherf***er.
Metroid: Other M: Aren't we forgetting someting? like half the plot?
Other M's story actually gets pretty decent near the end, as opposed to the rest of it. What would have made it great was the Metroid Queen tearing out Samus's voice box, but it's still alright. Some legitimately good plot twists and revelations about the experiments that were taking place on the ship. The only question left is who started killing the other marines. And the game just drops it. And I don't mean it was dropped halfway through. This was definitely brought up during the last hour or so of the game. But the feds show up on the ship and everything's okay. Yay! Worse yet, there are only two people it could have been, and Samus actually drives one of them home. Does that make her an accomplice?
Also, that first-person bit at the end where all you had to do was look at a certain part of the screen. I spent like ten lives trying to actually kill things. Hate it.
(For the record, the post-endgame after the credits was pretty awesome)
9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors: Sudoku
Let me be clear, this game's story is terrific, and the "true" ending is no exception, with one of the most mind-blowing plot twists in anything ever. But after all the traps and puzzles, which were often symbolic in nature, what is Zero's final challenge of the Nonary game?... Sudoku. The final boss is freaking Sudoku. I can't make this up. What's next? A Silent Hill game that ends with a crossword? (Though if you do what I did and crank up some Blind Guardian during it, it is pretty epic)
Fable III: Screw you
Now this might just be the worst endgame of this generation. Your life as king starts out alright. Your brother reveals he was a giant douche because these shadow things were going to come and invade the kingdom in precisely one year, and he needed money to stop them. Now it's your responsibility. You're going to fail. There are just so many things wrong with what happens next:
-Why can I plunge the kingdom into debt for everything BUT hiring an army?
-Why does the game try to invoke sympathy for my brother, and then turn around and call me a bastard when I do the same thing?
-Why can I "not explain" what the shadow creatures are like? They're gonna kill everyone! It's not difficult to understand!
-What am I doing the 350 days of the year I don't actually play?
And those are just the little problems: The big ones? The game has the nerve to label you good or evil. "Good" essentially means being naive and short-sighted, and building a brothel instead of a school is "evil" even when it saves 1.5 MILLION LIVES. And then, AND THEN the game jumps from "120 days to the invasion" to ZERO! NO WARNING! No little pop-up that says "the invasion will begin when you finish today. You're screwed." Now I kind of like it when a game throws a lose-lose situation at the player. But it has to be reasonable, don't say I have so much warning, and then spring it on me. Worse yet, nearly everyone in my kingdom died, and Theresa is freaking CONGRATULATING me for being a good person as king. But the final insult is that people hate you no matter what. If this were Fable II, I could just dance and fart my way into their hearts. But this one makes me do a mini-quest for EVERYONE. If I play this game again, I'm just gonna kill everyone. I decided.
Did I miss anything? Probably. feel free to rage in the comments