Walking poodle skirts.


CRank: 50Score: 0

Skyrim's Dawnguard - When Sucking Doesn't Suck Pt. 2

There are other crappy things about being a werewolf as compared to a vampire. Neither of them can open locked doors or pick up items when in their monster state. But a vampire can go in and out of his Vampire Lord shape at will. Werewolves can't. Vampires can feed suck life out of pretty much anything and it grows their perk meter. Werewolves have to eat corpses of humans to move up the meter. Which is fine when you have a large group of humans you can kill off surrounding you. But walk into a village and after cleaning out the tavern you realize everyone else is safely locked behind the doors of their homes and because your werewolf form lasts longer the more you feed, you can easily build up a long amount of time where there is no one to kill and a good deal of time left before you can revert to human and open the doors you couldn't get into before. And once you go in to a villager's house and prepare to beast out and devour the hearts of the man and his wife laying on their bed you realize that you can't just turn your werewolf power back on at will. It has a cool down mode or something. and moments later you are being dragged away by the guards for trespassing while screaming obscenities at the farmer couple who just shrug at you and relock their door.

"You would be surprised what people leave laying around after you burn down their village." - Merchant in the vampire castle

Because the DLC was enormous the game does have it's bugs to fix. From little things like a man being permanently stuck in the ground no matter how many times you reload to not getting the alchemy lab in your house in Whiterun even though you paid the 500 gold 7 times in a row because you ate too many bowls of Weedies and forgot each time that you already purchased it. I was chased by a pack of cows who were floating upside down and charging at me. Watching their lifeless bodies hang in the air, upside down and burning may be a glitch to most people, but it was a lovely scene of bovine bondage that I tried to replicate in real life, but got shot in the ass by a salt pellet gun while trying to steal a cow. By the way, did you know cows were reaaaaaaaaaalllly heavy? And they don't go where you want them to if you push them. And if you yank their ear hard they will bite part of your wrist off. Just...don't try it at home kids.

Overall the Dawnguard DLC is worth what you paid for it. Bethesda could have tried a little harder to round out their product to give an experience you could get completely lost and immersed into and they didn't quite reach it. but they did do plenty enough over the 8 months between the release of Skyrim and it's first DLC to make it an enjoyable experience with very good replay value to it. Now if only they could make some sexy lingerie for that gorgeous vampire girl they introduced us to...

Editor's Note: Sephris is an award winning independent writer for N4G who has the talent of being able to say far too much to people who couldn't care in the first place. It was this kind of forward moving attitude that brought him nearly to great heights with wonders like his great underwater base, (that was destroyed when a broken squid tentacle got lodged in external air release valve right when it was secretly being used to dump toxic waste out of the facility. It turns out zombie tentacles are not only viscous, but they can break through steel).

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