Not piloting a mecha


CRank: 10Score: 0

I Am Legend: Plight of an Xbox Gamer

As I look around the various sites on this fine internet, I've come across one bizarre S.O.S message that's repeating in a constant loop. The sender of this distress call goes by no callsign yet his cries for help are unmistakably the same.

"Help. I am the last true Xbox Gamer. The Sony Ponies have taken over this site. I will be broadcasting this message on all frequencies. Please help me."

I blink in confusion as I scour more articles. From political websites like The Daily Beast to the hive of scum of villainy that shall not be named -- There is always one voice amidst the sea of dissent that claims to know the truth in spite of everything. I find this to be rather perplexing, so I've decided to live as an Xbox Shill and see how what it is to see through their eyes.

- Day 1 -

I've come to embrace The One as my true savior. I'll admit to be slightly on the nervous and edging on Buyer's Remorse but I keep my spirits high with news of Dead Rising 3. Forza looks like a joke with its static background and Ryse is made by Crytek, a Dev that came out and said Graphics are more important than gameplay, so I'm having real trouble justifying my $600+ purchase to my friends. PS3 is STILL getting exclusives and if last gen repeats itself, Sony's 1st Party Devs will win all the awards...

Still, I must soldier on. Open world Zombie game. Meep.

- Day 7 -

Not feeling good today. Two more games have been downgraded from native 1080P resolution. I've been getting mocked relentlessly on several message boards. Made myself feel better by hanging around OXM and official Microsoft boards. Most threads degenerated into circular stroking of each other's ego and I promptly logged off.

Have to take a shower, I feel so dirty...

- Day 21 -

Penello or some other guy came out to praise retail and disc based games. I seem to remember him saying something to the exact opposite effect about a month ago..

Can't remember...head feeling so fuzzy........five billion transistors.

- Day 29 -

Phil Harrison did an interview and said a bunch of things translated to gibberish to my ears. I don't care. He could say the Xbox One will come to my house and repeatedly bludgeon my family to death and I'd still buy it. I don't care anymore. The One is truly The One. I made a pun about The Matrix, heh, must remember to put that in a sig or something. Naturally, people came out in droves to disprove him...they used things like 'Graphs' and 'Facts' and even some thing called 'Words'. Those trolls are so kooky...

- Day 30 -

Curse those soldiers. I hate them. If it weren't for them and their nuclear submarines, I would have had my Always Online requirement. Curse those foreigners, I wish the military would blow up every single country without internet so I can be prevented from trading games. It's my fault! it's all my fault! Please forgive me, Microsoft, I'll cut myself in front of a picture of Don Mattrick and ask for forgiveness....when I get my Xbox One, I won't download the patch so that your original vision can be preserved because it is the true future of gaming and everyone who doesn't believe me is the enemy,

Everyone is out to get me. Every site has millions and millions of trolls out to get me. I am the only one left! Sony has their claws everywhere. The Media, the magazines, the developers, the gamers, MY MOM! They are all Sony Ponies!


*unintelligent gibberish*



Last November, a certain political party lost an election that they, by all means, should have won by a landslide. I'll not name said group but I will say that it is filled with screamers and rich, old white men. Back then, one of the Rolling Stone contributors had written a fascinating article about the declining state of said Party's mental health. He akined it to the various stages of paranoia: -

Step 1: The enemy is The Other. There are dark forces plotting out to get us from beyond our borders
Step 2: The enemy is within our borders. It is them, it is our neighbors that's plotting with them.
Step 3: Members of our faction are conspiring with our enemy. Our friends, our families, who knows whom can we trust?
Step 4: I'm the only one left, only *I* can be trusted. Only *I* am the last living sane person on this earth.

This what's happening in today's Gamer Sphere.

Somehow, in spite of looking out for the consumer's best interests, a minority (yes, given that you weren't large enough to make this horrific experiment profitable for Microsoft, logic states you are the minority) persists in labeling us as 'Sony Ponies'. It doesn't matter if you consider yourself a gamer, own multiple systems...hell, it doesn't matter even if you were solely an Xbox gamer the past two gens - Speak a word of dissent against Microsoft, you are a Sony Pony.

This group begins suspecting everyone is The Enemy. Every one is infected. Every negative piece of news is false. Every developer is a traitor. Every one is in the grasp of Sony's ever-expanding reach. Every 180 is not a 180 but a rather a 'Strategic Re-tracing of Gamer Favorbability Resultant Approach' and other lifeless robotic Empty Suit lingo.

By now you should be able to detect the correlation between them and that certain 'Political Party'. "Curse the others, the poor, the military, curse the Japanese, curse the indies, curse everyone. It doesn't matter if reality, facts and nearly everyone contradicts my opinion...only *I* know the truth. Only one news source is 'Fair and Balanced'...I just have to hold out long enough and everyone will eat their words."

We're still over a month away from the official launch, so it'll be interesting to see if 'The Lone Survivors' faith is rewarded or not.

But lest we forget, in the book 'I am Legend', the lone survivor turned out to be the real monster in the end...

----------------------------- ---------------
Disclaimer: MightnoX is wanted for stalking several Japanese Devs across three continents. He is most certainly NOT a large Mammal.

The story is too old to be commented.
memots1710d ago

OMG that was hilarious !!

gaffyh1710d ago

MightNoX should win the blog of the month award imo, this is quite uniquely and well-written.

darthv721710d ago

cool blog but: "in the book 'I am Legend', the lone survivor turned out to be the real monster in the end..."

damn you could have said spolier alert. Now the book is damaged goods to me.

FamilyGuy1709d ago (Edited 1709d ago )

@ Darthv

He's not reeeeally the bad guy, more like "the bad guy in the eyes of the infected". This was also true in the movie because the infected leader was upset about him catching, experimenting and killing their kind which led to the capture of his (the infected's) wife/girlfriend/love.

+ Show (1) more replyLast reply 1709d ago
Ducky1711d ago (Edited 1711d ago )

A pity it ended at day 30.
I wanted to know how many days it takes before one starts writing fanfiction about other fanboys.

TomShoe1711d ago

This needs blog of the month.

BitbyDeath1711d ago

Good post, I had always wondered why people stayed loyal to MS even though they tried to destroy gaming as we know it.

My eyes are open.

dedicatedtogamers1710d ago

Props for referencing the actual book - not movie - of I Am Legend, which is a pertinent metaphor here.

I was once a Microsoft gamer. I use the term "Microsoft gamer" because I was booting games up on MS-DOS long before people got their first taste of Microsoft through the Xbox. I was there playing the first Flight, the first Age of Empires, the first Close Combat games. At best, now I either tolerate Microsoft (in terms of using their OS to play games on PC) or I ignore them (in terms of their efforts in the console market). And I say that as someone who was there Day One for both the Xbox and the 360.

The paranoia among the Xbox gamers is just proof that the fascade has fully cracked. 360 was "on top" for so many years according to certain gamer and journalist factions. 360 has more exclusives! Wait, now it doesn't, so now that doesn't matter. 360 is dominating Metacritic! Wait, now it isn't, so now that doesn't matter. 360 has all the indie games! Wait, now it doesn't, so now that doesn't matter. Graphics, superior online, better multiplats, better multimedia, on and these things just don't matter, do they?

The final crack was "360 is more hardcore". That crack started back in 2009 when Project Natal was unveiled, and I think with the Xbox One reveal, the crack has finally split the Xbox fascade wide open. True gamers realize it was all just an image Microsoft was putting on.

OrangePowerz1710d ago

I also liked when they started to count Indie games as exclusives and as a big advantage for the 360, but now since the PS4 has many indie games nobody cares about those cheap indie games.

Kinect is funny becaues many didn`t like it from the start or bought it and didn`t like after using it, but now Kinect is awesome and the best thing of any next gen console.

pyramidshead1710d ago

I do agree with the amount of people on forums lately that have(or still are) been constantly chewing sour grapes ever since the february ps4 announcement and later on the may reveal of XB1. The 360 definitely had its day and resonated well with a more online focus with its exclusive but it seems to have waned over time where as the Ps3 grew in strength which is clearly noticeable as we come to end of this gen. I feel as if pro 360 gamers were just expecting to roll into next gen free and easy with 360x2 and be blown away by it and take an easy victory because Microsoft is rich as tits and the 360 was such a success. But unfortunately it's just one of those matter of fact things that the opposite happened(to a degree) and they're finding it hard to come to terms with.

DestinyHeroDoomlord1710d ago

Everyone wants to suck on the power teet

memots1710d ago

Yup , I said a couple time that MS needs to win me back and was called a Sony fanboy. Never mind that i have the original Xbox and a 360 lol.

I am a PC fanboy more than anything else but i am very excited for my ps4 ( first time i get a new console on day one )

Show all comments (32)
The story is too old to be commented.