Thanks to Anita Sarkeesian and Adam Sessler, the subject of "misogyny" and "sexism" have popped up a lot lately. There are individuals out there who want gaming to change. Rather than discuss possible future changes, I've decided to focus on how games would be if they were more "realistic" according to what feminist groups think. This means having no "sexualized" women and having no women acting as weak even though in real life both genders have their "weak" members. So, for the sake of this blog, we're going to assume what would typical events in games be like if they were remade according to this theory.
Super Mario Bros: The issue with this game is that apparently Princess Peach is portrayed as a ditsy blonde who's always kidnapped and objectified. How could we remake Super Mario Bros to change that? Well, there's the misandrist way and the realistic way. The misandrist way is that Peach knees Bowser square in the gonads when he tries to kidnap her and her guards take him away. The game ends before it starts and Mario isn't needed. The realistic way involving 2 different scenarios is as follows.
Scenario 1: Peach is kidnapped because Bowser's overwhelming military might can't be stopped by the comparatively non-existent military strength of the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario, being the Hero of the Mushroom Kingdom, is commissioned to attempt a rescue of Peach. Meanwhile, Peach is in a cell screaming for someone to help her. She has no weapons, is alone in her cell, and needs to get out. What does she do? Well, nothing. How is she supposed to effect her own rescue against Bowser's forces? Mario gets the help of abilities he finds along the way (Fire Flower, Star, etc.) and help from allies, that's the only real reason he can do anything against Bowser at all. Alone and with nothing he probably wouldn't fare too well. But let's assume the Princess manages to unlock her own cell, she has little combat experience against the Koopa Troop so her best bet is stealth. Sneaking through 8 worlds and hundreds of enemies. Yep, very likely she'll succeed all by herself.
Scenario 2: Being a monarch, as soon as Bowser attempts to kidnap the Princess, her Royal Guard immediately moves her to a safe location, completely removing her from the game at all. Bowser succeeds in taking her palace and institutes himself as the new King of Mushroom Kingdom. Peach tries to command her own forces in a desperate, yet futile, retaliation against Bowser's military force and Mario tries to get a rebellion going using every trick he's learned over years of facing Bowser. What proceeds is a long drawn out campaign where the Princess still takes no real action and Mario still does all the work.
Soul Calibur: The problem with this game is the portrayal of the female characters as sex objects. So we need a more realistic woman in these games. If we were to look around the world, we couldn't come up with what an average woman is supposed to look like because the average person in the Western world is overweight. In the 3rd World they are dangerously underweight. So you have to choose between a woman too obese to use her weapons, or too hungry to move. But let's say there is an inbetween like Talim. This is a game set in the 16th century. Women wouldn't be fighting and we have to keep things realistic right? It's unrealistic for a woman to have breasts the size of bowling balls and a butt to match, but it's completely fine that she is fighting demon monsters in the 16th century. So Ivy is about 110 lbs fighting against Nightmare, who is a living suit of armor wielding a sword that looks to be about 100lbs. Cool, she'll do really well. Of course, that's completely disregarding the unrealistic "living swords and demons" element of Soul Calibur.
God of War: The problem here seems to be all over the place, but we'll say it's Kratos beating down on women. So, let's say Kratos has a chivalrous attitude. You know, that attitude women LOVE but won't directly admit to because they want that and at the same time they want a jerk? Ok, so Kratos' family was killed thanks to Ares and Ares knows Kratos won't harm a woman. Kratos brutally slaughters everything in his path until.. a female boss. So, Kratos sheaths his chain blades and goes "I cannot strike down a woman, no matter what race she is." Then the female boss proceeds to kill him, end of game. OR the Olympian Gods proceed to toy with Kratos. They purposely piss him off so he'll start a rampage then throw in women everywhere so he has no choice but to stop. Either way, the game sucks.
Now obviously this blog only deals with games if they were left as they were character wise. We could rename Super Mario to Power Peach Sisters in which Mario is kidnapped by Bowser for some reason (because Peach would have to remain the ruler so that it's fair. We all know that royalty routinely go out and fight their own battles) and Peach has to go rescue him. But then, that's reverse objectification right?
Soul Calibur could continue to be unrealistic and have women of the 16th century have complete knowledge of martial arts wearing full battle armor to be indistinguishable from men, only then they'd have to be just as brutal as men of the era and then the complaint would be that men are fighting against women. MISOGYNY!
God of War could be Goddess of War but it would still be sexist and misogynistic.
I wonder how long the industry would last under this, admittedly glib, interpretation of how things should be.