In grade six my teacher once announced to the class that he had gone to see the Mortal Kombat movie on our recommendation. In a thick Austrian accent he claimed that it was one of the worst films that he had ever seen and derided us for enjoying a movie that offered nothing but puns, biceps, and graphic violence. His opinion was met with a deafening chorus of boos. Didn’t he understand that Mortal Kombat was a franchise based in gratuitous violence and gratuitous violence alone? By virtue of the fact that we got to see Johnny Cage deliver a spit punch to Goro and hear Scorpion shout “get over here,” we got everything we wanted out of the move. Years later, I now admit he had a point. Sure if I pumped myself full of orange soda, candy, and light narcotics to mimic the simple pleasures-craving mind of a twelve-year-old, I could probably still enjoy the Mortal Kombat movie. But I also recognize that it’s a pretty awful Enter The Dragon rip off with bad acting, worse special effects, and dialogue that would make a soap opera star weep…even if it offers an awesome soundtrack and bone-crushing fatality fun.