Addictive videogames are like cocaine! It's the oldest gaming joke this side of "If it's 'Final' Fantasy, how come they're up to 13?" But every cliché carries a kernel of truth, and the Pokémon series really is like a drug. Pokémon Diamond and Pearl are pure-grade uncut Brazilian coke peddled in America's schoolyards, turning our nation's children into glassy-eyed monster-battlers.
And spin-offs like Pokémon Battle Revolution? They're the cheap, diluted version of cocaine, the kind that some bastard has cut with flour, or Drano, or rat poison, or god knows what else. Yeah, it'll soothe your addiction-frayed nerves if you're jonesing for a Pokémon fix, but it's gonna kill you, man.