Gamers, R U OK? Real Relationships Important

OXCGN supports R U OK? Day, discussing if gamers often have depressive tendencies and how gamers can help those who may be struggling:

"I have never seriously considered suicide, though I've reached some pretty low lows. However, there are more than 2000 people a year in Australia, higher than the national road toll, who have not only considered it, but gone through with it, leaving devastated families behind.

The worldwide figure would be shocking.

And gamers could be at greater risk due to a higher likelihood of suffering depression and introversion."

[BadCircuit]

I have a father who is sick and he plays games to escape I think. I feel bad for him but often don't know what I could say or do for him.

This was good to see.

[Saaking]

Play some games with him and just have a good time. He may be sick, but that doesn't and shouldn't prevent him from enjoying a great life.

[Zedux]

2000 only! not bad if you compare that with India and Japan where guys will jump from a building if a girl says no to them or if you working too much or got low scores you just take your own life those numbers are ok!
i guess no one would be left in my neighborhood if it was India or Japan lol!!

[Nihilism]

"2000 only",

Australia has the highest suicide rate in the world, i don't think 'only' applies

You also shouldn't judge people's reasons for doing those thing. In Japan their entire lives are competitive because of overpopulation. A typical japanese student could expect to go to a private school, have summer school, home tutors, then mandatory university study. They study and work their entire lives to make their way. They can't just sit on their asses and walk into a job like people in the west. The japanese governement has expressed their wish to halve the population of japan by 2050

[sikbeta]

God, lets stop talking about death, We are young and have plenty of time to live a great LIFE

[lightningsax]

@Dchalfont - Wow, where in the West can one just walk right into a job? I'd like to move there. Just finishing a very practical Master's degree, but the job markets are constricting quite a bit, and some of my hardest-working friends are still finding it tough to get that entry-level position.

I understand what you're saying. Japan does have an extremely competitive culture, but keep in mind that they're expecting numbers to go down quite a bit soon: http://www.google.com/hoste...

[gaminoz]

@ sikbeta

I can see why you wouldn't want to talk about something negative like that, but the whole point is that people are suffering and they need to talk to other people about it.

You may be in a good place, but not everyone is and though it might seem a 'downer' it is kindness to listen to someone who may be in a hard place.

@ Saaking

Great advice mate.

[Bubbles_Kitty_Cat]

The only time I feel suicidal is when someone steals my crate in Modern Warfare 2. :D

[Tony P]

Good article. I think it's pretty spot on.

Totally off topic: Am I the only one who thinks "Busta Wolf!" after reading the title?

[HolyOrangeCows]

R u ok? :P

[DeadlyFire]

I have always had trouble connecting with people. Maybe its just irrational anxiety and fears though that I have built up over time. For as long as I can remember though I have always been silent around people. I am 22 years old and only in the past 6-8 months have I ever really tried to connect with people. Its hard when many don't want to talk to me. I have gotten a couple old classmates to say a few words though. I think I might have some sort of mental problem though. Like Asperger's Syndrome or something.

[BadCircuit]

I'm a bit like you...my parents are always on my case to be more social but I don't really like talking. I'm happy to listen to my friends and answer but I don't like being the center of attention. I'm trying to be more social though.

[Godem]

Personally, i think its the other way around for me sometimes, I get depressed when im playing a game, when I should be out and about.

[gaminoz]

That's interesting. You are forcing yourself to play a game? Must not be AC 2 or Uncharted 2 then! lol.

[Godem]

haha, nah more like when friends go out on a Thursday night, but I stay in because I just purchased Uncharted 2 :)

[table]

yeah I know what you're saying mate. sometimes i question why i waste my time on games and i feel bad in myself for not doing something more constructive.

[AKNAA]

Anytime I feel depressed playing games when I should be out on a saturday night, I just stop playing and watch a comedy movie instead(like mr.bean). That kinda helps a bit...

[lightningsax]

This thread, particularly Aknaa's comment, rings true in my own life and in many people that I know, gamers or not. Gaming might increase isolation and lead to depression in some individuals, but guilt is a much worse culprit.

I remember days when I'd stay inside playing games and at some point I'd think to myself, "I should be out on the town like everyone else, that's what regular people do on Saturday nights." Thinking that you're supposed to do something just because it seems to be a societal norm can be incredibly destructive - maybe you're out every Saturday night and getting nothing out of it, or you're inside wondering why you're not out there, or wishing you were someone else. You start feeling guilty, like you're not the paragon of a human being that the rest of the world apparently is being 24/7.

It's always good to ask basic questions at that point. Why do people go out every Saturday night? Aren't they just escaping their natural feelings of being alone in the world and having to work too much? *Do* people that share my interests actually go out? Do people that supposedly live it up out there enjoy their time? Is it really wrong that I'm not surrounding myself with people constantly? Isn't that just another escape?

Realizing that stuff just *is* and doesn't have to be perfect may be the best thing to do sometimes. Not that socializing isn't good, or that any of the stuff you're not doing doesn't have value, but there's also good and bad socializing, isn't there? There's also good and bad gaming - when I reach the point when I'm asking myself "Why the heck am I still playing this game?" it's time to stop.

You can strike a balance. What's the problem with jamming out to Rock Band or having a L4D2 party? Heck, bring your fellow geeks over and have a Demon's Souls drinking game - drink every time you die (actually, that would probably kill everyone, bad idea!). Then go do something non-gaming-ish. There's nothing wrong with gaming, but feeling like you're doing it because you're inferior to everyone else is destructive.

[DRUDOG]

/Stands and applauds.

Awesome comment. So true. I've been on both sides of the fence and can say that sometimes you just know it when you need to get out. Other times don't stress over it and enjoy the life you want to lead not the life you think your supposed to because of what others do.

Lightningsax summed it up perfectly and I couldn't have said it better.

[Shotgun_Roamer]

i agree, sometimes my best laid plans to get a platinum trophy are thwarted by the realization that there has to be something more productive i can be doing.

[Prototype]

I'd rather play games than hang out and here's why:

1. Keeps me out of trouble
2. Controllable spending limit
3. Something for everyone
4. Keeps my mind off daily stress and work
5. Never have to worry about having any type of dispute

Yes I still occasionally go out, I do have a few people I can hang out with, no I never dated (and will be 28 soon) and yes I have a good paying job with my own place.

[presto717]

My thoughts exactly.

[Lou Ferrigno]

if your a WoW geek then i can understand lol they even have WOW therapists for fvck sake

[gaminoz]

I'm not into that scene, but I can understand how real life can suck enough to want to pretend your way into a fantasy life.

It generally doesn't help though.

In China they have militaristic rehab centres where they send game addicts: you see the 1 child policy means that they often don't have connections with siblings. The few I saw interviewed didn't want to leave even though the place was harsh because they had made real friends.

That's not to say that playing games makes you depressed, it's just that some use it to escape much more than others. And online "trash talk" isn't exactly connection...

[Saaking]

I really don't understand what's so great about WoW. I tried the trial, played it maybe 2 hours and I didn't even like it. I don't get how people can waste their lives on it.

[Nitrowolf2]

i know what u mean saaking
i mean i can't sit there and hope i kill a creature just to get XP, thats seems a bit boring to me since it just point and click. Obviouse for those into it allotr there is more, but i dont see the point either but vise vera they to do not see the point in our type of games. Say i like shooters or adventure to them those could be the most boring games ever. Its the same for what ever game you get sucked into they get sucked into WoW. i can't stand that game though\

[kaveti6616]

A year ago a friend of mine gave me a 10-day trial for WoW and I activated it and created an account (I was like a walking bull or something), and I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about, and I got hooked into the game like crazy. As much as I could say to myself, "This game is stupid," I couldn't stop playing it. I spent so much time just doing quests and killing wild beasts to raise my XP, and I couldn't think of doing anything else. Finally, when my 10 days were up, I became enraged. For a few days all I did was beg my friend for another trial code. And then after a while I started concentrating on my schoolwork again and I felt free of WoW.

Now that I look back on it, I realize that I was so lucky to not have got caught up in that game. And considering there are millions of players who spend so much of their lives and their money on this thing, I now agree that it is becoming a serious problem.

[ZombieAutopsy]

Ive lost a few good soldiers to WoW...may their souls burn forever in the depths of hell. I too was given a 10 day trial to WoW and did use it all but after it was up i was happy to go back to playing single player RPG's and a few choice FPS's. I think with WoW it either really draws people in or they just think meh, most of the people i know that play it say its because its like a whole other world and that it never gets old because their is always something to do.

[XboxOZ360]

Excellent article covering a very real and relative subject.

Australian's in particular do not like discussing their personal issues very much at all. And it's oftn not until almost too late before they do, if they do.

Gamers, are workers, husbands, mothers, sons daughters and the extended family. While you may not be suffering some form of depression or anxiety, many are.

All it takes is an understanding 'friend' to help them understand that someone cares.

You do NOT have to fix it for them, all you need to do is 'listen' without trying to fix "it".

[table]

I think a lot of it is a case of men not wanting to discuss their feelings because it isn't macho. If you look at who is mainly at risk of suicide it is men between the ages of 18 and 24, and of course the vast majority of gamers are men. It's not always a case of listening, sometimes people who are too embarrassed to talk about it will give subconscious signals that they need help you just have to be aware of what to look for when someone is suffering from depression in order to help them. It's a tragic illness really.

[Nihilism]

I'm definitely a depressive person. I don't know what i'd do without gaming, and sadly n4g also. I have moved a few times since finishing highscool in 2003, I moved 1000km's from where I used to live, because my gf had to go there for her law degree, I have lived here 2 years and don't know a single person, i'm studying distance ed atm. I would lose my mind if i didn't have games to kill time

[gaminoz]

Well you are in good company. The article had a link to another article about the subject and in it is this quote:

"A lot of highly-intelligent people are prone to depressions, and gamers seem particularly so"

[tweet75]

no matter how enjoyable or engrossing a game is its important to socialize with people. Thats something that games can never completely replace.

[AliTheBrit19]

I think there should be a line between gamers

Like, Mostly competitive gamer..the kind of guy who just plays WoW, COD, Halo etc.

And then the kind of gamer who just picks up new games as they come along, plays through them and enjoys the hopefully brilliant experience and if there's a multi-player, plays that while waiting for the next worthwhile game to come along

The latter is me :) I don't have time to play multi-player which has no real meaning, but for example playing through Assassin's Creed 2 is giving me an experience..like a story...like a good book or amazing film.

Just my 2 cents.

[ZombieAutopsy]

I'd have to kinda agree with you (for once).

I started off playing realy only single player games because i loved a good story, then i discovered online gaming so for about 2 years straight all i really played was online shooters and the occasional RPG. Now i pretty much do both but i usually wont buy a game just for the multiplayer (which is why i havent bought Mw2 because from what all myfriends have told me they beat it in under 4hours).

Gaming is a great escape from reality and a very good and interactive form of entertainment, but like any form of entertainment you shouldnt devote all your time to it. But now i must be off because i have to go back to playing Uncharted 2.

[LeonSKennedy4Life]

...that's a pretty sociological view of it all though.

That was more true during the early Xbox days than it is now.

People are so varied in their gaming now...it's hard to classify them.

Everybody enjoys a good story. Everybody enjoys a fun experience.

[LeonSKennedy4Life]

It depends on how your life is going, what game you're playing, and what mood you're in.

Say a friend of yours just died...or even worse...your significant other. I see no problem with playing Shadow of the Colossus to cope with that loss.

I played Kingdom Hearts for 32 hours straight when a friend of mine passed away in high school. It helped me a lot. : )

On the contrary, however, a game can MAKE you depressed. Indigo Prophecy, The Darkness, inFamous, and various other games do that to me. I try to avoid them when I'm sad, but sometimes...you just need to feel. It's better that we're playing games...and not cutting ourselves. I've known too many people who have cut for extended periods in their lives...and it, for the most part, usually leads to at least one suicide attempt. Very rarely were they successful though. It's usually a cry for help...like most things people do.

The most important things to have when you're depressed are friends.

Never lose sight of who you are...and always tell someone what is on your mind. Make sure it's someone who has a stable head on their shoulders also.

Happy gaming, everyone.

[gaminoz]

@ Leon

Bubbles for that.

[LeonSKennedy4Life]

Thanks, mate. Back at ya!

[XboxOZ360]

Actually, my excursion into modern gaming came after my partner passed away from cancer in 2003. After being her full-time carer for 3 months solid, playing games with both her, her daughter and anyone else that came around, helped bring a sense of humour to an otherwise grim reality that she 'was' going to die.

After she passed, many asked how I dealt with it, I was "so strong" and solid. My friend an I had to even organize the full funeral arrangements on the day she passed away, as he mum simply could not and would not come to grips and the reality that she was dying, and refused to make arrangements.

Again, the games at night after ppl had left helped melt away some of the loneliness of an empty house, sounds (or lack thereof) and I found it grew from there. Those that found it stressful being with Lou found that the games she'd play with them seemed to break the ice, make things more 'normal'. They could see she was not well, and not long for this world, but her ability to "play games" and invole others in it, helped many to see that death need not be a somber thing.

Then I noticed that it did in fact help my pain levels. As I suffer from what they term severe chronic and unremitting pain 24/7/365, and have done since 1981. I have been on heavy meds to keep it at bay since then, and no, there's no surgery to help, you DO learn to live with it, just like you learn to live with no legs, or arms. We could take a lesson from those young souls who have a full life, but have no legs or arms, and treat life as a mirical every day .

But by playing 'certain games' it helps produce adrenaline and cerotonine (yes, can't spell), two major biochemicals in your body that deal with pain and stress.

By playing certain games, the levels grow and kick the meds along when they seem to be lagging, or help quite the head when it's just so busy, the body wont sleep due to too many meds.

SO again, the games such as stealth and thinking games help the brain focus on something else.

In fact, one of the major Burns Clinics in Sydney, North Shore Burns Unit, use console games with kids and teenagers when changing burns bandages, as they find it help reduce pain levels, and helps distract the kids from the ordeal of having the changes.

So there's two major reason games are useful, and there are those that turn to games for anti-social reasons. But oddly enough, they are the smaller %, but the % that the media picks up on and runs with.

After all, good news does not sell papers (or get air time) only bad or depressing news does.

To that end, I no longer have the TV in use in my home, and have not since 2003 after my partner passed away. Sure, I have a TV, but I use it to play movies and play games. Other than that, it's off, like it should be. News occupies 80% of our day, and the news is 95% depressing, ad that to ppl's social and personal issues, and you wonder why the suicide rate is so high, irrespective of the number, it is always one too many.

It's not okay that both men and younger men hide their emotions, (same applies to both genders), and there's nothing wrong with letting those emotions out through talking with someone close, or seeking help. As a counsellor, you get to see both sides of the fence. And believe me, some of the most "normal" ppl suffer from huge amounts of stress and depressions. ppl you would look at and say, "hey, they have it made" . . It's funny how suffers usually become therapists - funny that.

Never judge a person by what they wear, drive, own or their social status. Unless you walk in their shoes, you have NO IDEA what their life is like.

Which is why so many on n4g need to lighten up with some of their comments. You'd bee surprised at the number of ppl on groups like this that DO TAKE your comments to heart, and that those comment acn, and do offend and often hurt.

Ask yourself this the next time you're about to write a stinging reply of offensive reply, "would I really like this if it was said to me, my brother, mother or father . . the answer will 99% of the time be - NO! If so, then don't say it, simply agree - to disagree.

We can all help each other if we choose to, and with each act of random kindness, the world does gropw stronger . . believe me on that one.

[albert_275]

*sniffle*
seeing gamers from all platforms having similar opinions... If only if every discussion on N4G was like this...

Well, after being a COD 5 freak for almost a year, I moved on. I look for good stories - thus my interest in SC Conviction and Alan Wake, games I couldn't have cared less about a year ago. (Would've gotten Uncharted 2, and later on Heavy Rain if I had a PS3)
Of course, there are 'those' games that I'm gonna have to get. Bad Company 2 is a must since I found the first game and the second's beta incredibly engaging and fun, and HALO REACH!!! (insert fnboy comment here)

[qwertyuiopasdfghjkl]

I'm clinically insane.

Doc said pick an outlet. It was either gaming, or Tupperware.

[Nihilism]

think of the lifetime replacement warranty your missing out on!, their only $120 for 5 containers....that's cheap right???? :S

[XboxOZ360]

Bubbles for the sense of humour mate . .