"When I said last week's update was short and sweet, I lied. It was actually a monument to all your sins. I don't know exactly what that means, but what can I say, today is my day off you ungrateful jerk! And really, shouldn't you be busy downloading a giant heap of maps and getting some practice in? You definitely need it. Some of our guys were getting warmed up last night and ran into some players who thought they were pretty epic. Turns out, only sometimes. Better luck next time. Maybe try going to the body with the AR to take out the shields first, then go up top with the BR. Just sayin'.
Have a great weekend. Once we've had our fill of patriotism, fireworks, and cheap malt liquor we'll make our triumphant return. There's much more to come next week. Stay Tuned."