BD: "It’s that time of the year when some of the world comes together to celebrate the holiday special day that is Valentine’s Day. Because my shamelessness knows no bounds, I thought you might like to celebrate it with me with this article I’ve written and dedicated to love. Basically, what I’m saying is will you be my Valentine? I’ve never had one of them before, and you sure are lovely.
Now that I think about it, this might be more about hate than love. Maybe if I use the word ‘love’ enough times, it’ll cancel that out? That kind of magic exists, I’m sure."