Turning a Profit Would Be So Much Easier if Children Were Tropical Fruit in No Pineapple Left Behind

Pineapples are easy. They don't ask questions, cause trouble, run around, have special needs, or do much more than sit there. Schools, on the other hand, are difficult. They're filled with children who don't want to be there and teachers in various stages of burnout, funding is a sad joke, and pressure comes from every side to excel using metrics that depersonalize everyone involved. When an evil wizard shows up one day and turns all the children at a Boston school into pineapples it would seem like disaster has struck, but while maybe the results aren't so great for the kids it turns out to be a fantastic opportunity for the school. Children are hard, after all, but pineapples are easy.

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