"Orcs assemble neatly on a stage, equidistant and as well-behaved as contestants in a 1970s Miss World contest, awaiting selection.
Unlike Miss Zaire and Miss Yugoslavia, these fellows are not animated by world peace or poolside haute couture. They enjoy cracking heads and bathing in the oozing gore of their slain enemies. They have gathered merely as a prelude to the glory of battle.
My job in Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor, is to select the orcs I wish to fight against. The trick is to find an orc who is neither too hot, nor too cold. An orc who has the ability to kick my heroic arse is not to be trifled with. One who is as weak as a flurry of daffodils is worthless. The orcs are my enemies, but if I defeat them they become my very special pals, fighting the good fight on my behalf."