U.S. Government to buy Twitch for $1 Gazillion

Washington, D.C. – The US Capital today put in a bid to purchase internet-streaming phenomenon Twitch for $1 gazillion, topping Google’s recent offer of $1 billion. Twitch, a relative newcomer to the social media scene, allows users to stream video from their homes while participating in text chats with their audience.
(Satire) (Humor)

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MrSwankSinatra1524d ago

This just in: Nintendo has patented the "Breakfast Taco" they have made over 400 billion dollars in the past 30 minutes.

JackOfAllBlades1523d ago

Holy duck **** Micro$oft just patented the word computer! /S

On topic, I'd buy that for a dollar!

Chrischi19881523d ago

I patented money itself, everyone who owns money, has to pay me.

DragonKnight1523d ago

@Chrischi1988: But they can't pay you without paying you, which requires paying you, which they can't do until they pay you.

Endless paradox resulting in you not getting any money because you patented money and so no one can use it until they pay you.

1523d ago
DragonKnight1523d ago

@Cobra: Not exactly. There are methods to have your income tax done for free.

For example, the law states that you have to FILE your income tax, not that you have to DO your income tax. You can actually make the government do your income taxes for you, though that's inadvisable for many many reasons.

UltimateMaster1522d ago (Edited 1522d ago )

~A spokesperson close to the deal explained that Washington has been on the lookout for new ways to peer into unsuspecting civilians’ homes, and Twitch falls right in line with the NSA’s ideals.

“We’re going to be able to reduce staff and technology costs,” claimed an NSA agent, beaming with glee.

“These idiots… I mean, USERS, are going to voluntarily let us in on their chats, in their homes, where we can watch and hear everything that goes on. It’s a dream come true for the NSA!” When asked if a “gazillion” dollars was even a real amount of money, the agent replied quickly.

“I have no idea,” he said casually.
“We’re the government. If we run out of money, we just print more. This will all be funded by the taxpayers, anyways.”


+ Show (2) more repliesLast reply 1522d ago
Immorals1523d ago

Is it April already? Damn, I knew I should have set an alarm..

Ace Killa 081523d ago

What's more pathetic someone SHOULD have read this before approving.

Unreal011523d ago

This is a magaton. Congrats to the US government.

Immorals1523d ago

Next time there is a war games scenario, they can stream it! Twitch plays thermonuclear war?

Sarobi1523d ago

Our debt will be wiped away in no time

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