There are many reasons for the heavy-set, such as myself, to lament being the shape that they are. You can't run that 7 minute mile. You have to work extra hard to get that girl. You are forced to wear that ass-ugly Hawaiian shirt. With life beset on all sides because of hardships like these, there has always been a bastion in the storm: video games.
Just a note: The article is written purely for comedic purposes. The writer exagerrated to the extreme in order to make the article funny (wheher it is or not is up to you).
Just thought I should clear that up, as judging from the comments, the complaints the writer makes up are being taken seriously.