Xbox One to feature go-faster stripes [Satire]

With the news that the Xbox One will be getting a 53MHz bump to its GPU speed having failed to impress gamers, an increasingly frantic Microsoft today revealed that the console would also feature go-faster stripes.

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Cam9771784d ago

It's fake. All of this website's articles are fake and it's stupid, not funny. I mean come on: "Rockstar confident only 19% of GTA:V players will commit murder".

Why does this site even get approved?!

shoddy1784d ago

The stripe is part of smoke and mirror

crxss1784d ago

I heard from a legitimate source that the xbox one has a muffler now as well

JP13691784d ago

Do you not understand the concept of satire? We're meant to understand they're not being serious, you don't need to explain it to us.

aceitman1784d ago (Edited 1784d ago )

on a different note it seems the ps4 has the high strips while x1 has the low strips at gamestop. x1 preorders capped at 40 , and ps4 at 140 and still taken in more. from my gamestop. in nj I know the manager there , he said hes surprised how many sony are pumping out and he said a sony rep said sony is not playing next gen there in it to win it big time .

RyuCloudStrife1784d ago

take it easy dude enjoy life

gaffyh1784d ago

Can we please get rid of this satire shit? It's not funny, it's just trolling for hits under the guise of "satire".

delicia1784d ago

This is NEWS 4 gamers, but suddenly, users are not aware of that. No wonder this site's been nothing but stupid articles and no game updates lately.

overrated441784d ago

Because it's satire, people enjoy reading The Onion due to the ridiculousness. Maybe you should take things less seriously and try to laugh. I think there are enough people out there fighting this moronic "console war" for you to put down your gun for a day.

pixelsword1784d ago

An extra 53 Mhz boost AND stripes?

Day one!



Dagobert1784d ago

Fact: Your at 50% agree and 50% disagree's. Thought I'd mention the obvious.

bobtheimpaler1784d ago

ROFL. Do you seriously not have a sense of humour?

fr0sty1784d ago

I guess Cam has never heard of satire. Honestly I think we need more of that in gaming news. So much of what goes on in this industry is worthy of a little mockery, and more importantly many of the people around here seem like they could use a good laugh.

Kryptix1784d ago

Microsoft's thoughts:

Xbox One supporter's interpretation:

cesuf1784d ago

if it had a spoiler and duel exhaust, Id pre-order 5!

ThanatosDMC1784d ago

This upgrade, just like the cloud, will make Xbone be able to reach 10 billion teraflops.

malokevi1784d ago

Aaaaaannnndddd this is the hottest article on N4G.

Confirming my suspicion and validating my beliefs. Thanks, N4P!

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shadowst171784d ago

Probably the same reason why The Onion is? it's hit and miss but some can be good for a laugh.

zpoc1784d ago

here's another statement for you to unravel and explain to the world:

Super Genius internet commenter deftly surmises that article clearly labeled 'satire' is indeed "fake".

360ICE1783d ago

Someone get this guy a Nobel's prize in physics.

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Maddens Raiders1784d ago (Edited 1784d ago )

2 stripes or One?

edit/ ps. @Cam977 (we know it's fake, just chill a bit)

aceitman1784d ago

so can I safely say sony can make theres go faster too and bump up the gpu

cesuf1784d ago (Edited 1784d ago )

I wouldn't say safety, but maybe and depends on how much. The more you overclock your gpu or cpu, the more power is used and heat is created. But a small increase, I don't see why not.

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HammadTheBeast1784d ago

Tomorrow headline: Digital Foundry tech analysis proves that vertical stripes on Xbox One make it look less chunky than PS4.

yeahokchief1784d ago

They're speed holes! They make the GPU go faster!

yeahokchief1784d ago


GamingOwl1784d ago

This seems like the gaming version of 'The Onion'.

One of the other titles that made me lol:

"Microsoft asks those purchasing 360 games to return to store every 24 hours with receipt to prove they didn’t steal them"

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Chaostar1785d ago

That's crazy, everyone knows only flame decals make things go faster

Heisenburger1784d ago

And it must absolutely have a red paint job.


cyguration1784d ago

Well, it has to be flame decals with a super-charger, otherwise people won't take it serious at all.

kneon1784d ago

That's just silly, stripes and flames won't make it go faster.

You need to jack up the rear end and put oversized tires on the back. Then it will go faster because it's always going down hill ;)

GrandTheftZamboni1784d ago (Edited 1784d ago )

And/or weld horizontal metal bars pointing backwards.

pixelsword1784d ago (Edited 1784d ago )

lol When did this thread turn into a Hillbilly physics class?

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golding891785d ago

Nice. sounds good to me

SuperSteve1785d ago Show