"I needed you to see that before I continued. You see, we’ve made the hardest, most stupidly ridiculous hardcore game ever. And we’re sorry. Kind of. We even called it a happy name like Cloudberry Kingdom to help ease the pain. But before I actually try apologizing for real, let me take a step back and defend myself. I’ll be making use of the traditional Socratic Straw Man Method for my defense: below, you’ll find your unsound critiques highlighted in bold, with my impenetrable defense following. Afterward I may apologize."