John Cheese from Cracked:
I'm so sorry you have to find this out in a letter, but after everything we've been through, I just couldn't handle doing it face to face. I won't beat around the bush or lead you on ... it's over. I would tell you that I'm sorry, but the harsh truth is, I'm not. And I won't give you some corny excuse, like "It's not you -- it's me," because the even harsher truth is that it is you.