God of War 3 review (PS3)

360ICE | 532d ago | User review
Reviewing: God of War 3
Time to make Zeus your b*
Now, you're probably asking "360Ice? Why do you play God of War 3 in 2013? Hast thou not heard of Ascension?"

To which I reply "Yes, I have heard of Ascension" and continue playing God of War 3. Notice how I only remembered the last part of the question. Why? Because I've been playing God of War 3. I've been ripping gods to shreds, tearing greek mythology to pieces, killing the living and relivitalising the dead. Do you honestly expect me to remember your measly question after such tales of extraordinare?

God of War 3 is namely just that. It's an unforgettable experience for the whole family: The kids will be traumatised for life, the wife won't ever forget that you stayed up playing this instead of being there for her during child birth and you won't forget what a smashing good time you had.

Even the quicktime events are fantastic. Like, there's a point where the game prompts you to press L3 and R3, and you're like "L3 and R3? Those buttons do no good", but you still press them and after seeing what actions unfold on screen you're like "Did that stuff just come out of the R3 and L3 buttons? Do they really have such power?"

And that takes us to the second part of God of War 3: Power. You feel so damn powerful in this game, but it's still challenging. You feel powerful because you play as Kratos, a character of immense strength, and it's challenging because you need to constantly block out the sounds of your family calling you back to the real world. Thankfully the game is full of epic music and loud sound effects, so turn up the volume and you won't have such a hard time.

Do I recommend that you play God of War 3? Well, no, if you hate justice, freedom and old America (sometimes refered to as ancient greece). But yes if you love long walks at the beach where you wonder if you really just tore that guy's head off. If you were playing God of War 3, chances are you did.

*brother

[Updated version has been posted on pixeledcourier.com]
Ups
Insanely brutal
Awesome visuals and sound
A hint of lemongrass
Downs
Wife leaves after third playthrough
Wife's divorce lawyer forces you to give up GoW3 three days of the week and alternating sundays
Score
9.5
Graphics Worlds of that scale running this smoothly with those graphics? Yes please. I mean, mostly the screen is just entirely red, but when it isn't: Wow.
8.5
Sound Here are all the sounds: SCHWING, SCHWONG, SCWHIIING, SPLAT, AAARRGH, I AM THE GOD OF WAR. Worst of all, it works really well. Good soundtrack too.
9.0
Gameplay Responsive and satisfying. Heads come off when you want them too.
9.0
Fun factor Proves once and for all that violence makes for a wicked good time.
0.0
Online Ha! Multiplayer in a God of War game? I'd never...
9.0
Overall (out of 10 / not an average)
lex-1020  +   532d ago
I have to admit. This was pretty funny. And you would be golden if this was actually a review. But since this isn't really a review, see Valenka's report above, I can't approve it. It was hilarious though.
Nicaragua  +   528d ago
Nice review, although you neglected to mention how much more enjoyable the game is when played barechested with a massive beard.
360ICE  +   527d ago
@lex-1020
Well, it is a written opinion on a game - a review. I mean, it's not a cat. Even though cats are funny.
Ha! Cats.

@Nicaragua
Ah, yes. How could I forget? Probably because I've been walking around with a bare chest and a massive beard since God of War 3's release.

Well, let me add one thing folks: This game is way more fun if you lose your shirt and grow a huge beard. Doing so also makes walking out late more fun.
thebudgetgamer  +   527d ago
While I loved just about every aspect of this game, non-skippable cut scenes ruined the replay value for me.
SanMarco  +   524d ago
Mmm ice cream made me jump in this review.

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God of War 3

Average Score 9.3 Reviews(327)
Release Dates
PS3 Release Dates
AU 18 March 2010
JP 25 March 2010
US 16 March 2010
EU 19 March 2010