Oral Sex in The Secret World is Simply Mind-Blowing

Kotaku - Each of the three secret societies in Funcom's paranormal MMO The Secret World have their own way of introducing players to the game's primary conflict. The Templar use magic. The Illuminati use drugs. And the mysterious Dragon? They induct their members the old fashioned, NSFW way.

In order to see the truth behind the comforting lie, one must first clear one's mind. There are many ways to achieve the necessary clarity. An expertly mixed narcotics cocktail might do the trick. Magic is definitely an option.

[FarCryLover182]

Are you sure its "mind" blowing and not blowing something else?

[DeleteThisxx]

Fail

[FarCryLover182]

How is that a fail? I'm making a play on the title of the article, not the content.

It mentions oral sex, what else would it be talking about?

[Stephen5543]

"Fail" because it wasn't funny.

[pixelsword]

Oral sex in the real world is better. Get a wife/husband and find out for yourself.

I don't get how anyone could get excited about video game sex.

[AlienLion]

Pixelsworld
Really?!?! Its better in real life?!? No fuqing way! Please, tell us more of your adult experiences so that we know whats what!

[PoSTedUP]

hahahah alien

[pixelsword]

@ Alien:

The sad part is that you're probably dead serious.

[Moby-Royale]

Speaking.

That is what else he "could" be talking about.

[M83_]

Fail because it was so mind numbingly obvious it didn't need to be said.

Lack of it being funny also didn't help

[FarCryLover182]

Alright, let's forget I ever said anything. Probably for the best.

[aPerson]

We'll forget, but it'll cost you...

[MWH]

3 years later..

1: "hey look, isn't that.."
2: "well i'll be damned! it's the Fail-guy from N4G.. and he grew a mustach like that would help"
1: "now that, is funny!"

just kidding with ya, it's funny how things may turn sometimes. have a nice day.

[Mike_Tha_Hero]

OP, take your L.

[SephirothX21]

This pretty much sums up your effort:
http://www.youtube.com/watc...

[hagla]

Fail

[TheTwelve]

Pixelsword speaks wisdom!

[Hicken]

Really, Kotaku? Guess I shouldn't be surprised, though.

[Blackdeath_663]

i think we're pretty used to it by now.

[claud3]

that is so so sad and dumb. get a freaking life really

[Double_O_Revan]

Edit-- never mind

[bwazy]

Says the guy with a girls DD's almost bursting out of his avatar.

[claud3]

yes. But that is cosplay and that is all

[ATi_Elite]

says the guy whose Avatar is virtually in 3D!

[claud3]

so i am not allowed to enjoy a natural lady in her form as a cosplay model. And look upon it as a beautiful lady

[bwazy]

@claud3

Pretty sure blowjobs are more natural than cosplay models, and have definitely been around A LOT longer than them.

So are we now allowed to enjoy a natural blowjob in the form of a videogame. And look upon it as a beautiful blowjob?

[Godmars290]

@claud3:

You sure as heck don't get any points for complaining about a story component which happens to involve sex.

At least its doesn't go the ME route towards portraying sex. Have people in bed after the fact still in their underwear.

[sjaakiejj]

It's well written and even better delivered, but I already have two MMOs, and in combination with every other MMO I've played I'm really cautious about anything that has a monthly subscription fee. Reason being that during the first few hours every MMO feels rather fresh, but after X amount of hours playing they all feel exactly like WoW.

I'll wait for this to go F2P and give it a shot then.

[RoyaleWC]

I was jaded on mmo's and sick of the mindless quests, but this just has something different about it. Probably the fact there's no classes, and that quests aren't just 'goto this hub of people with ! above their head, get all the quests, make sure you do them all so you level up before you're directed to the next clump of quest givers'. It's a great game, and there is some new innovations like investigation missions which encourage you to research online using the ingame browser.

[rdgneoz3]

If you hate mindless quests and all the running around for sh!t to collect, you should try out GW 2. The dynamic events are fun and no monthly fees. No being forced into a tank or healer role. Every class can self heal / buff teammates and take some hits. One thing I do love is being able to put farming mats into your bank from anywhere so you don't have to keep dumping stuff off at a bank half the time to make room. And the choices you make about your characters background in the character creation part actually affects some of the quests you get as you go through the game and people's interactions with you.

[Elvis]

I love oral sex.

[AgreeFairy]

No you don't.

[Elvis]

Of course I do, who doesn't?

[AgreeFairy]

The person giving it to you.

[rdgneoz3]

You have to have had it in order to love it.

[Elvis]

Great, which means I love it.

[Hanuman]

@Elvis: Your mom doesn't count

[mynameisEvil]

(...that awkward moment when there are two people with Elvis as their avatar...)

@Hanuman
Really? That's the joke you want to make? *facepalm*

[morganfell]

12 year olds - 1

game journalism - 0

[Gazondaily]

You were due a win ;)

[CLOUD1983]

Games need more sex themes for sure we see it all the time on movies soft porn scenes almost everywhere why not in games also? and from my experience I know that subscription based mmmorpgs played mostly by ages of 20-30+ so they r all adults so what's the prob anyway? it will add some realism & spice things up so I am all for it.

[dark-hollow]

Games don't "need" more sexual themes.
Especially since 90% are done in an immature way that portraits the average gamer as a sexually frustrated teenager.

when its done right (see heavy rain, mass effect etc) then it could add much to the game but if it stays TITZ AND VAGINAS BRAH FK YEAH! Then no thanks.

[extermin8or]

lol mass effect? what you mean soft porn for robot's? I mean I see what you mean about it not being as immature as other titles *cough* red dead redemption *cough* but really you used Mass Effect as an example? it's cringe worthy how bioware portray their sex scenes in most games they make; at least you can skip the cutscenes mostly anyway :)

[DontBanMeBro]

Wtf I pulled my dick out for this!?? FAIL

[M83_]

Exactly fail!

You should have been able to get off with your pants still on :P

[kimball232]

It's mind-blowing because she's blowing his other head/mind :)

[jeeves86]

I don't understand. I watched through the whole thing. The animation wasn't on par with what I expected reading the description. The voice acting was whispery and a little seductive, but you can get that in your average porn flick.

Also, the guy...came a little fast, if that's what that animation was. Or was he just supposed to be shocked that she was giving him oral? Despite the fact that she indicated things were getting sexual the moment she climbed on top of him?

[JohnApocalypse]

Lol, the look of the characters face at the end

[tarbis]

lame

[CommanderShepard]

Even I, the savior of the universe, finds Kotaku irrelevant.

[MacDonagh]

For some reason, I find it mildly offensive. Is the membership so low that the Dragon has had to resort to oral sex favours to reach out to new members?

[TotalSynthesisX]

inb4 "blowing" pun

o wait

[DigitalRaptor]

Kotaku are so f**ked!

[MWH]

this is ridiculous, who needs this shit in a video game?

[Smashbro29]

Now if only MMOs were actually worth something.

[Hanuman]

Nice 2001 graphics they've got going on there..