So... someone asked me to write a spoof silly thing about Halo 3.. and I thought I'd go ahead and post it on here.
Halo 3 Updates
Janine: “Today on HealthWatch- the latest strain of the deadly Halo virus that claimed so many lives in 2001 is now back and stronger than ever. Here’s HealthWatch special reporter Natasha Kensington with the latest updates…”
Natasha Kensington: “Thank you Janine- as you mentioned the virus is back, and in fact, stronger than ever with the number of cases increasing by the hour. Over a thousand cases have been confirmed worldwide and this latest strain is the deadliest of all. As you can see from our confirmed cases map- North America is seeing the worst of what doctors and researchers are now calling Halo 3. Those working on cures and a variation of the anti-virus used to stop the original strain say there still may be hope for a future for those affected by Halo 3…”
Dr. Rourke: “What we are seeing in patients who suffer from Halo 3 are the same signs from the original strain in ’01.” The virus is spread most commonly through person to person contact. We see groups of younger, healthy people…. with their friends and once one person has it in a close-knit group – it just spreads like wildfire. We’re seeing it tear apart families, because quarantine is vital to keep it from spreading. Once a patient gets the Halo 3 virus- the symptoms take effect almost instantly. Loss of appetite, patient develops a fear of leaving their home; you get these bright, young- otherwise healthy individuals- and once they contract Halo 3 and it begins to take it’s toll on the body… they become vegetable-like, in a sense. In 95% of the cases we have studied- those affected could no longer focus on anything that once mattered. They don’t want to spend time with families, they don’t enjoy going out; it’s like the withdrawal from the outside world.
In many cases, those being monitored suffered night terrors that included shouting out similar words in all cases such as “lag,” and “programmed.” We still don’t know what connection these words have to the Halo 3 epidemic. This does, however, tell us just how mentally damaging a virus of these proportions can become.
That’s why we have been working around the clock on ODST. It is still in it’s rawest form- several tests and trials runs have been done, but nothing that can be released to date is a sure way to completely wipe out Halo 3. Our goal is to have the ODST anti-virus readily available to those currently suffering from Halo 3 in the fall of this year. ODST will resemble many AIDS/HIV medications in that it will only temporarily fix victims- at least until we can Reach out to them with something stronger… something permanent.”
Natasha Kensingtion: “Now-- doctors do recommend you report any suspicious symptoms in yourself or others to your nearest hospital immediately. Symptoms to look for include the following:
-sudden withdrawal from normal activities
-delusions
-loss of appetite
-extreme rage
-mood swings
-paranoia
-poor hygiene due to lack of will to live
-no concept of real time
-night terrors
So as you can see Janine- it is important for us all to help stop the spread of the Halo 3 virus. Doctors also strongly recommend staying away from those with Halo 3. People should avoid parties where large quantities of people could be exposed. This – along with around the clock research for a cure- can slowly help destroy all that is Halo 3… back to you Janine.”
Janine: Thank you… that was our very own Natasha Kensington with your HealthWatch update. Tune in tonight at 6 to see the full interview with Dr. Rourke, founder of the ODST Research Center: Race for the Cure program. Up next- Chinese government officials make more arrests in connection with the recent virtual robberies of a bank in a popular online video game… details after the break.”
The friendly folks over at Razer recently sent us their full size Kishi Ultra mobile gaming controller, and this thing didn't disappoint.
VGChartz's Mark Nielsen: "Upon finally finishing Devil May Cry 5 recently - after it spent several years on my “I’ll play that soon” list - I considered giving it a fittingly-named Late Look article. However, considering that this was indeed the final piece I was missing in the DMC puzzle, I decided to instead take this opportunity to take a look back at the entirety of this genre-defining series and rank the entries. What also made this a particularly tempting notion was that while most high-profile series have developed fairly evenly over time, with a few bumps on the road, the history of Devil May Cry has, at least in my eyes, been an absolute roller coaster, with everything from total disasters to action game gold."
Me leaving it out should be telling of my thoughts on it. Better than 2 as a DMC game.
Still a good game though.
3,1,4,5 to me, never played 2. 5 gameplay is amazing but level design was really disappointing to me, just a bunch of plain arenas, the story felt like a worse written rehash of the 3rd and the charater models looked weird ( specially the ladies ). Another problem with 5 was that there was not enough content for 3 charaters so I could never really familiarize with any of them
2.
Dmc.
4.
5.
1.
3.
God DMC2 was an awful game.
And in case this isn't obvious it goes worst to best
Order changes depending on your focus. I tend to focus on gameplay/fun factor, so...
5, 3, 1, 4, 2.
I really didn't like 4 but commend Dante's weapon diversity. The retreading of old ground was pretty unacceptable to me.
But even then... Still more enjoyable than 2 for me
TSA go hands on with the beta for Inazuma Eleven: Victory Road, but how is the game transitioning to the post-stylus era?
...cahk. hahahaha. This story is totally about me.
lol My best friend has all those symptoms.Such a Halo nut
reminds me of the WoW disease. Also nice Reach reference.
funny read....Whoda thought halo 3 could be funny....But yeah agreeing with baseball fan. Nice Reach reference....Cause it actually makes alot of sense when you think about it.
am only 12.what is this?